The Last of the Old School Men
When I was a kid the type of guys I admired were always the Old School tough guys like Clint Eastwood, Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, Sean Connery and pretty much all of the fedora wearing dudes from the 1930s to the 1960s.
You know the type I am talking about, hard drinking, Lucky Strike non-filter smoking men that called ladies dames and would punch a guy in the face for looking at his wife.
These old school men would never wear low-rise jeans, drink decaf coffee, drive a compact car or talk about their “feelings”. They had names like “Nick”, “Joe” and “Mike” not Baxter, Williamson, Francis or any of the other last-name for a first-name pansy names people are naming their brats these days.
They never asked a gal for her number, she just gave it to him because he was a real man – and real men don’t beg for the digits. His car was a fast gas guzzling behemoth, he had a scar from WWII and never died in a bed. His hobbies always included power tools, greasy hands and the possibility of dismemberment.
When the sink was stopped up or the fence blew down he fixed it with his bare hands, the very thought of calling someone to “help” him was sacrilegious. After recently re-watching Dirty Harry, Bullitt, The Untouchables and a few 80’s action flicks I have put together 2 lists of my favorite Old School Man traits and habits.
Below is the first list of the Habits of the Old School Man, part 2 coming soon. These aren’t just simple lists, they are the rules for living the Old School Man lifestyle that has been deleted from everyday society and replaced by romantic comedies and political correctness.
Considering how many men are in therapy crying about how their mommies didn’t breast feed them enough it is surprising that the Old School Man still only has 2 emotions: Angry and Not Very Angry.
If he feels depressed when something terrible happens (like the Cigar shop being out of Cohibas) he doesn’t express his feelings to a shrink – he punches the wall and has a drink of whiskey, then punches the wall again.
Old School Men will rarely shed a tear, in fact, only on very specific occasions is he allowed to cry:
1. When his Dad dies – because he respected his old man, even if he was tough on him growing up.
2. If his buddy dies by his side in combat – immediately after he must kill everyone responsible, preferably with a bayonet or a spoon.
When an Old School Man gets a call at 3AM from a buddy in trouble he walks right out the door to his aid. No questions asked – period.
Even in these days when so-called men drink peach martinis and mandarin orange vodka the Old School Man still drinks brown liquor, preferably some sort of Whiskey, Scotch or Bourbon, straight up or with a little water.
Having a drink any time after 12 noon is totally acceptable even if he is at work, beer is also fine as long as it isn’t light, from Europe or drank from a glass.
When some Birkenstock wearing, Prius driving vegetarian at the next table arrogantly asks him to put out his smoke, the Old School Man fires up a cigar.
He smokes Camel or Lucky Strike non-filters because cigarettes with filters are for women and children. Most Old School men picked up their smoking habit in the Marines.
Cancer won’t ever kill the Old School Man, because the Old School man is the only damn person doing the killing round’ here.
Most men these days would puke at the very sight of a fresh baby seal kill that was a result of their own hand. The Old School Man eats the baby seal and sews its hide into a coat for his wife.
If it wasn’t for the Old School Mans salty mouth, political correctness and the self-feminization of men would have killed off the word “Fuck” 10 years ago. Old School Men curse, usually wile smoking a cigar and drinking scotch.
Today we hear stories on the news about today’s man standing by doing nothing wile someone harms the weak or hurts children But not the Old School Man, If someone messes with him or the defenseless he beats the crap out of them, he takes no shit, he only dispenses it in the form of a beating.
Read The: Habits of the Old School Man – Part 2
Founder – Editor in Chief
James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns and writing poorly written articles.