- “Dude, I will whoop your ass all up and down this damn block” ~Screech
About a two years ago a good friend of mine called me up with a distressing situation that he was involved in. He was walking from his car to a restaurant with his wife and another couple. On the sidewalk outside the restaurant a few young guys were hanging out, they ended up blocking the way of my buddy and making comments about his wife.
Some background on my friend: he is a regular guy and not involved in the contracting or security industry, he works in a white collar job in an office and lives in the suburbs. I think the most aggressive thing he has ever done in his life was yelling at me when he was drunk back when we were 17. But overall he is a good guy, loyal friend and someone that I know I can rely on.
Anyway, when these guys started messing with him + his wife and his friends he said that he just stood there eating shit. In fact, he told me that he was pretty scared (he is also an honest guy) and his brain basically shut down.
Luckily for him these punks were just talk and eventually moved on. But the whole incident deeply affected him as a man because it was a big wake up call that he is unable to defend himself or his wife.
What he ended asking me was: “Dude, how can I learn how to fight and be tough like you?”
First of all, I don’t really look at myself as a “Tough Guy” by any means, nor do I consider myself a master fighter (I am a master Nuts kicker). But compared to him I am Steven Seagal (before he became fat) ninja and Steve McQueen tough combined.
But he did pose an interesting question; “Can a regular guy learn how to fight” and not only that (because I can teach a monkey how to fight) can he learn the mindset to actually use fighting skills without pissing his pants.
Basically: Can the average suburbia living office worker learn how to be a Tough Guy?
I do believe that all men have the “Cave Man” buried in their DNA somewhere; it’s just a matter of clearing out all the pre-conditioned social niceties that have been vomited into most men’s heads in the “civilized” world we live in.
Now is it always possible to pull the cave man out of a computer programmer?
No
Is it possible sometimes?
Sure
I had allot of motivation to help my buddy out, he is the type of guy that would bail you out of jail at 2 AM, not many friends are the type that shine when loyalty is needed. And I truly hated to see a friend humiliated like that in front of his wife and friends.
- James G’s Tough Guy Program
So, this is what I figured I needed to do to man him up a bit:
1. He needed to learn how to fight if needed
2. Get him dirty and bruised to remove the panzyness from him
3. Have him get into a physical condition where he could fight if necessary
5. Get some experience under a high pressure situation so he won’t poop himself under stress
After cooking my brain on how to do the above without being there (I was in Iraq at the time) I came up with the following program.
- learn how to fight
Learning the mechanics of how to fight isn’t really that much of a challenge given enough time, millions of people around the world go to martial arts classes every day.
What I needed was a fighting style that was simple and effective that could be learned well enough to use within six months without having to take a class 7 days a week. Also if you could practice these martial arts alone in your spare time even better.
I decided on a combination of Boxing and Combatives
Boxing
For straight-up stand-up fighting in my opinion you can’t beat boxing, it a H2H fighting science that has been practically perfected. Also (one of the most important things) part of learning boxing is getting punched in the face. You can’t fight if you are scared of getting hurt or if you don’t know that you are able to continue fighting even after you have been hurt.
I told him to find a boxing gym and take lessons 1 to 2 times a week.
Combatives
This is a military martial art created by Brit WW2 vets William E. Fairbairn and Eric A. Sykes. It is a martial art that takes bits and pieces from several different fighting styles and packages them into simple bite sized techniques. This is probably the only martial art that was specifically designed to be learned in single training sessions (as apposed to going to classes every week) and even from a book.
Unlike other martial arts this one was created for the battlefield and teaches things like using improvised weapons, impact weapons and using knives in addition to ground and stand-up H2H. It also has many moves that are lethal or will cause permanent damage to your adversary.
He lives in Washington DC (a big military town) so he found a school that had Combatives seminars. I told him to take one 4 hour class a month and read the training manuals.
- Get dirty and bruised to remove the panzyness
Like most “civilized” middle/upper-class men these days that live in the suburbs and were razed by overprotective parents, my friend had never skinned his knee or used his hands hard enough to get a blister in his life.
Getting punched in the face in a dirty boxing gym was a good starting point for this but I felt that he needed to get even dirtier. So I had him volunteer with habitat for humanity, a community service group that builds houses for the disadvantaged.
Now this would kill several birds with one stone in his “Tough Guy” training program
- He would get dirty building houses with tools and his bare hands, a few blisters and hard days working in the hot sun will man anyone up
- He would get exposed to people from socioeconomic backgrounds that he had never interacted with before. Many middle/upper-class people have never met or befriended working class folk before, so they may feel uncomfortable or intimidated by them.
- He would do a bit of good for some people that needed a house, which would increase his self confidence.
- get in excellent physical condition and get big
If you are weak or fat you are not as an effective fighter as someone who is strong and in good physical shape. My friend was a bit of both, not strong (he had never lifted a weight in his life) and he had a bit of a gut from sitting in front of a computer drinking Mountain Dew at work all day long.
There are allot of trendy workout and nutrition programs these days, but one that has been around for over a decade is the Body for Life program created by a former bodybuilder named Bill Phillips. This is the first workout and nutrition program that I ever did and it is excellent for beginners.
Body for Life combines weight training, aerobic exercise and nutrition that is wrapped up into a single pre-planned program. It is easy to follow and is suited to all sorts of lifestyles and time constraints. And the best part is it’s simple and requires zero brain power to follow.
- Get real world experience facing high-pressure high-stress situations
Being in great physical condition, knowing how to fight, take a punch, get dirty and stab someone with a knife means squat of you shit yourself at the first sign of trouble.
I originally suggested that he join the Marine reserves or become a reserve deputy Sheriff/Police Officer, but because of his job he was unable to take months off from work to attend the police academy or boot camp.
So instead I had him volunteer with a county rescue squad, this was better suited to him because he could take one class a week for a year (for EMT) in the evening. And he could schedule his volunteer time for the days that were most convenient to him and his wife.
If anyone here reading this has ever worked on a rescue squad you know how stressful and demanding it can be. You learn how to act cool and keep your composure under pressure by experience. It also has a great support system via your fellow volunteers and I thought it would be good for him to have some blue collar bonding.
- So, did James G’s Tough Guy Program work?
I don’t know
Sorry I can’t give you a better answer than that but in the past two years he has been following the “James G Tough Guy Program” a street fight has not presented itself to him. So he still doesn’t know how he would react if a group of guys messed with him and his wife again.
But I can tell you this much – he is a changed man. He is 1000% more confident, in excellent physical shape, changes his own car oil and he ended up loving the Rescue Squad stuff so much he is going for his Paramedic certification now.
So weather or not he can whoop someone’s ass really doesn’t matter to him anymore, he feels confident that he could defend himself in necessary but that isn’t his main concern these days.
Personally, I believe that he would have no problem laying the hurt down on someone.
So what do you guys think, can you teach a wimp to be an effective street smart H2H fighter?
NOTE: you may be wondering why I didn’t include any firearms training in my Tough Guy Program for him. He lives in Washington DC, guns are illegal there along with free thought and not taking your citizen pill everyday.
Read All H2H FIGHTING Articles | Read All Articles by James G.
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~James G
James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in his homes in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns and writing poorly written articles.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I’d say you gave your friend a push in the right direction. That’s the thing with hardening up: you have to do it yourself, there’s no way you can be spoonfed into being tough.
I’m going through a toughening up process myself. Lots of good excerise, and shooting (when I can afford it that is) and cold showers. Then I’m joining the Marine Corps within the next year, so whatever weakness I don’t get rid of by then is on it’s way out for good.
Freedom Outlaw(Quote This Comment)
Have you forwarded him a copy of “FamilyJewels-Fu”? Seriously H2H stuff in there.
medicsixzero(Quote This Comment)
Yeah, James, I think you did it right. I might have added a few other things but what you suggested for him worked: he feels confident. That is the first and, perhaps, most important aspect of doing well in any endeavor. And, confidence exuded can be “smelled”, or sensed, by everyone.
Spot(Quote This Comment)
I’d say, as we say down here, you dun rill good!
You gave your bud some tools that will stay with him, and he can use those tools to build to whatever level his strength and reaction times will allow.
And yes, I think you can teach a wimp to ‘whip it good’ if you get him past two limitations. One is the natural reluctance among ordinary humans ( NOT psychopaths) to harm others. Many of us remember our first serious injuring of someone, maybe our first kill, or our first necessity of causing permanent damage to another, and for most of us, the event is somewhat traumatic.
Some sleepless nights, second thoughts… that first extreme or lethal event is not at all casual, and a normal guy doesn’t watch another guy’s face explode or see the guy’s eyes glaze over as he rattles his last breath, and toss off a clever James Bond witticism. Yet it MUST be dealt with.
In combat, when a man stops to consider, gee, that other guy is like me, loves his dog, has a family… before you finish the thought, you have a FMJ drilling your skull or chest. And YOUR dog, and wife and kids, get to stand around YOUR grave. Bad decision!
Second, the fear of being hurt. No one likes to be hurt ( well, those trips to Mistress Elvira’s House of Discipline are different) but as you wisely pointed out with the boxing exercise – and as the first assignment of ‘Fight Club’, to pick a fight and lose it – we learn that we can take a certain amount of hurt and still function.
First time I had my nose broken, I dropped to my knees, covered my face and nearly puked; I was ten and thought I was gonna die. But a friend taught me a lot in a week and when I next saw the older bully who had decked me, I approached him and before he could say anything, drove an elbow into his upper lip and nose. Hard. Twice. He bled a lot, cried, missed school for a few days and had a few bandages when he came back but he never screwed with me again. And those lessons remained with me, as I am sure that YOUR lessons will remain with your friend.
PS – Outlaw – careful with the icy showers ( can actually bring cardiac or arterial damage, fur rill) but congrats and Ooooh-Rah, on your decision! The Corps ( or the ‘Corpse” as the Kenyan-In-Chief calls it, as in ‘Corpseman’ ) will have you doing things that you would swear to God right now were impossible for you. For that matter, so would the Rangers. Just remember the old saying – Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body.
Rock on, good luck and Semper Fi.
Julian(Quote This Comment)
Julian:
Yes I agree that you have to have taken a beating at least once in your life to really know your fighting self. I have taken a few in my time, generally because I was young at the time and had a big mouth.
But knowing how you will react when you are hurt and in pain is something you can only experience and not learn.
~James G
James G(Quote This Comment)
Everyone would do well to recognize and explore their feral side.
The West in general has castrated the warrior traditions and is in in the works of creating ‘weaker’ men.
Most guys could learn a thing or two by getting into the ‘shit’ from time to time and letting the meat-eater inside loose when called for.
Violence is a language spoken by all, but not something most do well.
GET OUT THERE! TRAIN!!! and make James G. PROUD!!!
Bubba(Quote This Comment)
Thanks!
PS, I actually start out hot and slowly work down to cold. not icy, just “cold”. It’s called a scottish shower. (sounds like a fetish sex act, doesn’t it?) Colder water is good for manly vitality. And it does good things to the skin so you don’t have to use some ghey cream to get rid of acne and whatnot.
Freedom Outlaw(Quote This Comment)
Here is a good article on how the US Army is revamping their physical training because today’s recruits quote:
“Most of these soldiers have never been in a fistfight or any kind of a physical confrontation. They are stunned when they get smacked in the face,”
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/mar/17/army-revamps-troops-training//
~James G
James G(Quote This Comment)
Came to this article late, but would add the following..
Most “wise guys” want to make a BIG show and drop you with their trademark haymaker, to impress their gang. The average geezer’s reaction when confronted with The Beast is to keep a distance. BIG mistake! get in close and crowd his space. And ALWAYS strike first. The number of handbag fights where blokes wait to be hit before getting stuck in amazes me.
Most people forget head butts, elbows, gouging, biting…they’re too busy worrying about making the big hit or taking a big hit. They also don’t think about what and where they should be hitting…eye’s, throat, jaw line, knee’s, bollocks, liver, kidneys.
A simple, recent example. Walking along the street with my gal, downtown Munich. Group of skinheads walking towards us shouting in folks faces, pushing folks around and being assholes. My gal is of Turkish origin and I could see these fuckwits were making towards us. Rather than slow down or back up. I picked up the pace, I wanted all 180lb’s of kinetic energy behind the elbow that I delivered square into the nearest assholes face. Didn’t break my stride, kept moving and prepared for the next idiot. Guess what, the gang were too busy caring for their buddy on the ground with the broken face and too scared to have a go. Suddenly the tough guys realise they are human and don’t fancy some of the same.
Yeah, it could have gone horribly wrong, but you need to deal with each event as it comes. But having a few “tools” at your disposal means the odds are better stacked in your favour.
Stevie(Quote This Comment)
Dojo training may not teach how to really fight a street thug ,but you get knocked around enough and punched and/or thrown enough that you “harden”up.
WG(Quote This Comment)
i grew up going to punk shows in new orleans and it was always in a shitty part of town or you had to walk threw a ghetto to get to the bar it was at.as long as you stayed in groups you were all right but you could always tell the potential victims in the crowd and if they happened to fall behind you just knew it would be like hungry lions on a wounded gazelle.
i think one of the best things you helped your buddy learn was self confidence. usually the animals stalking victims look for the guys that scream “TARGET” with their body language. nervous fidgety,trying not to make eye contact,walking with their head down looking at their shoes,or positioning themselves in the middle of a group to be in the center so they can hide or try not to gain attention.
but in reality they are waving a “welcome come mess with me flag”. walking with confidence goes further then most people give credit. from running the streets i learned real quick 2 type’s of people stand out more then the rest. so much so they might as well be glowing a different color then everyone else. the weak scared guys,and the overly assertive alpha male. both come with their own sets of problems and both usually end up in shit one way or another. but the guy that is self confident and do not feel the need to hide or “peacock”, usually walk by with out a problem.
Asc.rudeboy(Quote This Comment)
Yep, not having “I am a scared guy” written all over him was one of the biggest things he needed to shake. Now he walks with his chin up
Thanks for the comment
~James G
James G(Quote This Comment)
I’d take him out for a few weekends of paintball on a licensed field too. It teaches tactics, teamwork, resiliency, stealth, firearms safety, bluffing, and overcoming pain or discomfort. Its also good exercise and a helluva lot of fun.
[img]http://www.deathvalleymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Chitown Drifter.jpg[/img]
Rock(Quote This Comment)
I played some paintball way long ago (like over 10 years ago) – but I really don’t know enough about it to recommend the sport to someone
~James G
James G(Quote This Comment)
Great article, but I am still not sure how he should have handled the original situation. I understand he felt inadequate, knowing that he could not fight if it came to that. But from a legal standpoint, I don’t think he should have initiated a fight even though those teens were talking shit. When a group of assholes are talking shit does that give me the right to attack them? What is the best way to handle that situation? Perhaps now that he has more confidence in his physical capabilities (and it shows) others will be less inclined to talk shit to begin with. But if they do, isn’t it best to ignore them and leave the area?
pharage(Quote This Comment)
Getting your ass kicked a few times will convince you to stop having your thumb in your bum and your brain in neutral. Its all mind set, and motivation if you lose motivation to be in shape and strong then you lose the mindset and you’re screwed. That bit applies to all aspects of life.
Ryan(Quote This Comment)
Great article Mr. G. I don’t think the intention was to start a fight, but to give the impression that starting a fight will result in a rain of unholy death and destruction, the likes of which would make Satan wet his pants. Ignoring them and walking away might work or it might provoke a stronger response. One of the intentions of Mr. G’s strategy was to remove the feels of inadequacy and replace them with confidence so that the person can think of a proper and legal response to the situation.
Also having played paintball, it would work, especially if you got to a smaller field with a experienced players willing to drag you into the middle of a firefight while screaming at them to get into the game. I’ve seen too many scared noobs hide in the corner. It’s a three birds with one stone shot. Getting lit up a couple of times will knock the pansy edge off, you’ll have experience in dealing with a high stress chaotic situation and running for dear life will help improve conditioning. It may not be as good as some of the other options presented here. But it’s a start and it’s kind of fun.
Mike(Quote This Comment)