CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: Douchebag Contractors

Civilian Contractor Middle East job recruiting poster

Contractorous Douchebagnus
1.  A person employed as a civilian contractor in an overseas environment who acts superior to everyone despite being a total douchebag himself.
2.  A person employed in the above vocation who is so insecure he overcompensates by attempting to act like a SF-bad Ass despite having a military background working at the DFAC.

On the first security contract I ever worked on way back in the day I was greeted by this sack-of-shit guy who was assigned to pick up new guys at the airport. The following is the first conversation I ever had with another civilian contractor:

- Douchebag Contractor: “You James?”
- James G.: “yep, how’s it going’ (extending my hand)
- Douchebag Contractor: “grab your shit, lets go” (looked at my hand and walked away)
- James G.: “Errr.. hey man, I have like 3 bags plus the 4 lockers of stuff they sent with me for you guys”
- Douchebag Contractor: “Goddamnit ok” (grabs my backpack angrily wile huffing and puffing, leaves me with the large bags and lockers wile he smokes in the pickup).

And that was my introduction to the world of contracting douchebags, and don’t think this story is unique – I have heard it a hundred times from a hundred other guys.

As much as I love working as a Civilian Contractor I am the first one to admit that this line of work probably has the highest ratio of douchebags to cool guys than any other vocation. It seems like every angry insecure guy that had a mommy who didn’t breast feed him enough has somehow found their way into contracting.

Considering that working as a Civilian Contractor probably has some of the best benefits out of any other line of work I cant figure out why so many contractors are such douchebags – they should be happy (I am).

  • Six-Figure salary? – Check
  • 3 to 5 months off a year paid? – Check
  • Job Security? – Check
  • Get to work with other cool like minded guys? – Check
  • Despite the fact I have a great tax free job I will still be a complete douchebag to everyone? – Check

Below I have listed out the 7 most common variants of the Contractorous Douchebagnus

The “Fat Ass” Contractorous Douchebagnus

Despite being disgustingly overweight this guy thinks he is a complete and total bad ass tough guy. This douche will tell you BS war stories about all the “ops” he has been on wile stuffing his fat face with hot dogs straight from the pack.

Just mentioning the fact that he makes Jabba The Hut look anorexic will set off his insecurity alarm to an uncontrollable level. Common responses to “you are fat” are:

“I am pure muscle underneath”
“I don’t need to be thin to shoot you”
“I’ll show you how fat I am when I kick your ass”
“Who’s fat?”
“You going to finish that sandwich?”
“ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz”

The “been there done that” Contractorous Douchebagnus

This is one of the most annoying types of the Contractorous Douchebagnus because they make you want to slit your wrists after listening to the same “when we were in Haiti in 93” responses to everything. No matter what you have done in your job/life it is nothing compared to what he has done.

-You are a former Navy SEAL?
-He worked with DELTA (installing cable TV)

-You went on leave in Bangkok?
-He did that back in 87’ – 4 TIMES!!!!

-You have saved 100K this year
-He… is silent because despite working as a contractor for 18 years non-stop he is broke

The “older than dirt” Contractorous Douchebagnus

You can spot these guys a mile away, they are always retired Army, have leathery skin, chain smoke Merit ultra lights and always somehow manage to “yes man” their way into a supervisors spot. They are also raging alcoholics and still wear the BCG sunglasses that were issued to them in 73.

And despite being in a combat arms MOS in the Army for 20 years they don’t have a CIB, but that doesn’t stop them from “implying” that they saw action. More than likely the only ”action” they have ever seen was in a Mexican go-go bar or through a pair of binoculars.

Note: This type of Contractorous Douchebagnus always has a minimum of one Filipino or Korean ex-wife

The “tough guy” Contractorous Douchebagnus

This guy is usually between the ages of 22 and 29, they probably have some sort of combat arms or law enforcement background and currently work on the security side of contracting. The standard response to anything you say is: “Fucking blah, blah, blah…” wile frowning and looking “tough”.

The mere mention of some unnecessarily dangerous mission gets his blood moving because he wants to “get some” or “kill some tangos” – wile the older experienced guys are thinking “lets plan this a little better”

When they walk through the PX they have to flex their arms out, walk like they have a potato up their ass and yank stuff off the racks and throw it in their basket. Because tough guys don’t just place the latest copy of Flex Magazine in their basket – they slam it in wile looking in the other direction. Yeah! Get Some! Argggg!!!

The “street person” Contractorous Douchebagnus

Just about every contract has one of the turd-balls, 9 times out of 10 they are the logistics or supply guy. If you saw them back in the states your first reaction would be to give them your spare change or the directions to the local soup kitchen.

Despite the fact they look like a someone who sleeps in a cardboard box they are always talking about “all the ass” they get. First you think they are full of shit, but then you see them walking around town with some Filipino gal who looks like someone hit her in the face with a shovel.

Apparently the “uglier and older” = “the better” with this group, how they feel like a “stud” because they bang these monsters is anyone’s guess.

The “gangster” Contractorous Douchebagnus

When most people pack a suitcase for a job in the Middle East they bring sturdy clothing. Not this group, baggy jeans that hang off their ass and over-sized sports jerseys are the first thing that gets packed.

Walking around base with a swisher sweet hanging out of their mouth wile wearing unlaced Timberlands isn’t complete without talking so loud that people in Iran can hear them.

The “I have an ounce of power so now I am god” Contractorous Douchebagnus

This is one of the biggest douchebags in all of contracting, when they were just a regular guy on the contract they were ok to be around. But the second they get promoted into an unpaid supervisor slot they become mad with power. For them this is their chance to “get back” at everyone who beat them up in high school.

And now that they have been promoted do they try to fix things so the line guys will have it a bit easier?

Hell no, instead they say; “I used to do the same job, f-them”

Yep, just like that they turn their backs on every guy they used to work with.

In Conclusion…

This is by no means the concise list of all the different types of Contractorous Douchebagnus. I could probably write a 4000 page article just on these jack-offs but the above were the first that popped into my mind.

Feel free to post any other types of Contractorous Douchebagnus in the comments

—————————————————————————————

~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and and making up fake Dog Latin words.

Be Sociable, Share!

54 thoughts on “CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: Douchebag Contractors”

  1. This community has its fair share of idiots that’s for sure. Some of these guys have no idea that PSD contracting work is about Not Making Contact. It is about protecting the principle, and limiting his/her risk so they can do whatever job they do in country.

    “Man I hope we go down route Michigan so I can get some,” is a perfect example of an unprofessional “Contractorous Douchebagnus.” Hey ass-clown, we are not here to make contact. We are here to ensure that Mr. DOS /DOD doesn’t get killed or blown up. So that means we take the long way which is boring and uneventful.

      (Quote This Comment)

  2. Yep – Allot of guys don’t realize that EP work focuses around “Running Away” not standing and fighting or pursuing

    I saw the same thing (mostly form ex-cops) when I first started in EP – if someone threatens or attacks your principle you should run away as fast as possible. Cops (due to their training) and combat arms guys have a hard time with “running away” – it’s an ego thing

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  3. Even the work I’ve done on PSDs, the only time we hang around during contact is if there is an issue with the principle(s) such as if their vehicle is not moving or can’t get out of the kill zone.

      (Quote This Comment)

  4. Sounds like 99% of the guys I worked with in kosovo,Qatar and Kuwait. I think in those 3 contracts I have only met about 6 contractors I liked.

    the rest were just as you described. I remember the guy who picked me up in Qatar, he showed up 3 hours after my plane arrived, holding a sign with my name on it up side down, and he looked like a cross between humpty dumpty and Clem Kadittlehopper.

    my 1st contract in kuwait there was no one at all to pick me up, I had no number to call, and no cell phone any way. I was forced to get a hotel room and contact them through the internet.

    And of course it was my fault that they were not there to pick me up.

    anyhoo, the only contract that I can say was enjoyable was my Darfur job. I worked with Non american contractors from Canada, south africa, and russia. I liked 99% of those guys and only met about 6 that were total assholes.

    If I ever work a contract again it will not be with my fellow americans, too many cry baby, navy seal/delta force/SF/ranger/I was there /retired E9 types for me, who will stab you in the back and fuck you over to make them selves look good to the boss.

    tomahawk

      (Quote This Comment)

  5. Another great write up. This translates right into the joint military PSD team I was on while I was a MP in the Army.

    We had “one each” of all those guys plus a few P*ssy Douchebagnus to make things a complete nightmare at times.

    All that and military pay!

      (Quote This Comment)

  6. WoW, just f*%king WoW.

    I have been doing PSD on and off since 2000 and to the T, I have met these same guys James and it sucks royal because how in the hell did they get picked up to do contract work in the first place.

    Going through several training schools on PSD, you always have that fat guy you will always ask yourself, “what happens if he needs to carry the Principal out of the kill zone”?

    Ha and the guy in the PX with the super tight shirt throwing everything in his basket, ha classic.

    Stay safe and watch your six.

      (Quote This Comment)

  7. SCORE!

    All the subspecies of Contractorous Douchebagnus, could fill volumes!

    It baffels me how quickly this invasive species can rapidly populate the work environment. Wonder if vector control has something to take care of an infestation?

      (Quote This Comment)

  8. It boggles the mind.

    Don’t these morons realize acting like a pr!ck not only possibly jeopardizes their life but also their paycheck? The .mil guys already have it out for contractors. No need to add fuel to the fire.

    At the end of your contract’s period of performance, do you want the mil guys to say “Those dudes were hot s–t and we can’t do our mission without them” or “F- those overpaid losers with attitudes”?

      (Quote This Comment)

  9. James,

    Classic, brother! Laughed my ass off as I could put FACES to some of those descriptions.

    Hey, did you ever see the tool with a BROADSWORD running down the middle of his back walking around the Victory PX?

    Almost as bad as “Dennis” the douche I once had to work with on Dublin who was about 300 lbs of blubber, wore cut-off sleeves to show off his “arm wings” (ya know, like the fat old ladies blubbering on COPS) and carried a huge custom Bowie knife to the messhall to show the 19 year old PFCs… but he would tell you not to fuck with him because he was tough… yeah, don’t keel over from a vapor lock there gramps.

    Oh, and others I was forced to share space with, or Team Douchebag Roll Call:

    1) Alcoholic ex Navy Seal with multiple ex-Filipino wives whiner who carried his Motorola dangling from the gold baht chain with gold “Budweiser” — CHECK!

    2) Douchebags with too much hair gel, cool sunglasses, tattoo collection vandalizing BIAP’s mosque on video and posting to website — CHECK!

    3) Reserve SF NCO, kicked off an Active Duty mission, who liked to carry FOUR knives while wearing his faded 1970s SF T-shirt — CHECK!

    4) 21-year old 110 pound dripping wet Norwegian “teen club bouncer” with a FABULOUS resume, fell down backwards on range when firing his G-3 on Full Auto — CHECK!

    5) Delusional ‘roid head ex Abn E-4 who “worked with ex-Delta in the TRIANGLE OF DEATH” and “provided security for NAVSPECWAR missions” — CHECK!

    6) Ex-Marine biceps flexer caught (by me) sleeping in car on range and not instructing; caught with Frag Grenade in luggage at BIAP; Found sleeping in luggage compartment of bus during Katrina Ops — CHECK!

      (Quote This Comment)

    1. Sorry about the norwegian, he is not to be used as an example of norwegians in general.

        (Quote This Comment)

  10. Great article! I am NOT nor have I ever been a contractor, Navy Seal, SF, Specwar, whatever… but I sure know the guys you are describing. Why?

    Cause they all went halfway around the world to be tough guys while leaving (at least with two of them) their absolutely smoking hot girlfriends back here, all alone. Oh, well………. as long as the girls don’t talk much (since they are used to hanging with idiots), I am just fine.

      (Quote This Comment)

  11. Frickin classic James. Like the others, I can put a face and name to every category. This is too awesome not to share. Great article.

    D

      (Quote This Comment)

  12. /retired E9 types.

    tomahawk  

    (Quote This Comment)

    The “Retired Sergeant Major” Contractorous Douchebagnus is the group I hate the most

    plus a few P*ssy Douchebagnus to make things a complete nightmare at times.  

    (Quote This Comment)

    Ahhhh… I forgot about the “Pussy” Contractorous Douchebagnus who dispite the fact he volunteered for a job in Iraq and he makes 250K a year – refuses to go outside the wire because he is scared.

    You see allot of the “Pussy” Contractorous Douchebagnus on IT contracts

    I have met these same guys James and it sucks royal because how in the hell did they get picked up to do contract work in the first place.   (Quote This Comment)

    That would be the “PSD Slipped Through The Cracks” Contractorous Douchebagnus

    2) Douchebags…. vandalizing BIAP’s mosque on video and posting to website   (Quote This Comment)

    That would be the “Get Drunk And Video/Take Pictures of Himself and Hand Out Copies to Everyone Knowing it Will End up on YouTube/Flikr” Contractorous Douchebagnus

    This breed tends to run in packs

    3) Reserve SF NCO, kicked off an Active Duty mission, who liked to carry FOUR knives while wearing his faded 1970s SF T-shirt — CHECK!   (Quote This Comment)

    The “Crocodile Dundee” Contractorous Douchebagnus who carries 12 knives, met like 200 of those guys, you run into allot of these guys in the lower end security contracts

    James,Hey, did you ever see the tool with a BROADSWORD running down the middle of his back walking around the Victory PX?  (Quote This Comment)

    LOL, I heard about that guy but it was always from a guy who knew a guy who saw him – I thought that was just Green Zone “Old Wives Tale”

    I did see a midget running around in the PX a few times, that was a surprise

    Glad you guys liked this, I had a laugh just writing it – I am going to do a “Part 2” cuz its just too much fun making fun of the Contractorous Douchebagnus

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  13. This definitely needs an encore — don’t forget to give the “Pussy Contractorous Douchebagnus” a full treatment.

      (Quote This Comment)

  14. Very funny. I have seen some variation of all of these types and it provides hours of entertainment when on post, just going over the examples.

    My favorite douchebag story to this date, is working with a guy who had a French Foreign Legion beret he would display out of his right side 5.11 cargo pocket. He made sure everyone saw it, so they knew he was the real deal.

    Then we come to find out through the contractor grape vine that he washed out of the Legion after a week, and after we told him that we knew about the shame, he still kept that beret on display in his pocket.

    Unreal, and I am sure he has been playing the FFL game everywhere he has gone.

    Those are the guys I despise. The ones that lie about their backgrounds, or dress it up, just to get the contract or impress people. There are many of those in this industry.

      (Quote This Comment)

  15. Right on Matt – the “Fake Legionnaire” Contractorous Douchebagnus is a major sack of shit, I must have run into like 9 of them so far

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  16. I work with an ex-navy guy whose biggest claim to fame is the compound he was on in Nigeria got shot at.

    He didn’t get shot at, the compound did.

    He also wears some “been there done that jacket” with all kinds of patches. He’s never been to Iraq but wears some stupid OIF patch.

    I called him on it but he just mumbled something about how he supported it indirectly. F*ckin idiot.

      (Quote This Comment)

  17. Yes, the “Patches” Contractorous Douchebagnus

    Haven’t run into too many of those lately, but just about every contract used to have one

    On my first gig in Iraq we had a “Patches” Contractorous Douchebagnus who had like 40 flag patches from different countries on his 5.11 safari vest. When I asked him if he had been to all of those places he said no.

    He was also a “fat ass” Contractorous Douchebagnus – he ended up getting fired later for BSing his resume, and of course it was our fault he got fired

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  18. One Douchebag can always spot another!

      (Quote This Comment)

  19. James,

    Not a Green Zone Urban Legend. I personally saw the PSD dude with the broadsword running vertically down the back of his vest. It was in Victory’s big PX. I made a comment to him about it like “Hey nice sword.” That’s about all I could say before I cracked up…. Wish I had been a smart ass and said, “Hey, Braveheart, how’s it goin’?”

      (Quote This Comment)

    1. Rob,

      Certainly not an urban legend – in late 2004 I saw a guy with a sword down his back walking around the palace/mess hall in Baghdad and a mate from Victory told me he was a familiar sight around there too. I wonder if it was the same guy or was there a swordsmith somewhere in Baggers doing rather well for himself.

      Doc

        (Quote This Comment)

  20. It was a PSD guy? LoL!!!

    Man, I am surprised that anyone would work with a goofball like that, must have been with one of the Mom & Pop PMC’s – Thank god allot of them have been thinned out now

    One Douchebag can always spot another!  (Quote This Comment)

    Don’t like being called out do ya? The truth hurts – so take it like a man

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  21. One Douchebag can always spot another!  

    Ha ha attention to detail, I thought that was a snide comeback. Hell I’ve known to be a douche but gee whiz John don’t take it personal, like most douche bags out there, when you tell them to push forward b/c there in the wrong formation they get all butt hurt. Mr. Insensitive.

      (Quote This Comment)

  22. That’s reminds me of another one

    The “Sand in the Clit” Contractorous Douchebagnus

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  23. Pure Gold mate, i can visualise a fantastic instructional video along with dramatic reenactments and interviews with blured faces

      (Quote This Comment)

  24. Ha – that’s a great idea dude

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  25. Good article James. Made me laugh. I see these dumb pieces of sh#t where I work every day.

    Oh and another one you didn’t mention is the Misspellus Wordis Contractorous Douchebagnus. Usually this one thinks, “a lot” is one word.

    Take care man!

      (Quote This Comment)

  26. Contractorous Douchebagnus

    I am a “Can’t Spell Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus

    I guess we all have our faults – lol

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

    1. It’s all good man.

      I belong to the genus, Reportus Analretentiveness Contractorus Douchebagnus. Darn criminals made me like that by making me bury them in charges.

      I don’t have to see these dumba$$’s you mention in this article anymore. I took the rest of vacation until my new federal law enforcement job starts. Most of my co-workers were cool, but I’m relieved to not put up with the Pickismynosis Shitusonmycoworkus Contractorous Douchebagnus anymore.

      I am a “Can’t Spell Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus I guess we all have our faults – lol~James G  (Quote This Comment)

        (Quote This Comment)

  27. I really wish I had seen the broadsword guy in VBC, that would have been awesome! Great idea about the “hey braveheart” comment Mr. Krott, I will remember that one.

      (Quote This Comment)

  28. I would have laughed my ass off at the guy with the broad sword, my buddy would probably be that guy if he was over there, anyhow, how many of your guys take tomahawks on contracts?

      (Quote This Comment)

  29. anyhow, how many of your guys take tomahawks on contracts

    No one carries a Tomahawk screaming into combat, despite many of the Tomahawk companies claiming that people use them in Iraq I have never seen or heard of anyone using one in Iraq or anywhere else

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

    1. I used a tomahawk to clear IEDs for awhile. Just sayin.

        (Quote This Comment)

  30. Read the next in this series:

    CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: The Douchebag Contractors Strikes Back

    http://www.deathvalleymag.com/2010/04/14/civilian-contractors-the-douchebag-contractors-strikes-back/

    ~James G

      (Quote This Comment)

  31. My favorite ones were the vietvet who loves the fact he’s a mercenary . When in reality he’s doing static on VBC ! Just loved hearing him run his OLD LOUD Mouth! Cheers !

      (Quote This Comment)

  32. I love this. I’m the “these guys make me look good thank fuck I’m not him” Douchedag Contractor! I think I’ve met all these guys.

      (Quote This Comment)

  33. PSD’s.
    Probably the reason every last citizen in Bagdad hates every foreigner in the area.

      (Quote This Comment)

  34. MY 2 CENTS
    FYI. I am a civ contractor in logistics. I am not Filipino as are most & I give a shit
    & make sure u get what u order so fuck you holmes. PS I have great photos of your wife and your ex wife, 8 x 11 glossy hi def if your interested.

      (Quote This Comment)

    1. Photoshopped editor, claiming to see & has done everything (including having sex) douchebag contractors.

      Sorry, but you had it coming.

        (Quote This Comment)

  35. Guys, I’m hitting the roads in Jan and can’t wait to tick these people of on my ass-hole list…

      (Quote This Comment)

  36. Saw this on Wired.com, fits pretty well in line with is article and website. hahaha http://lmsdefense.wordpress.com/category/uncategorized/

      (Quote This Comment)

  37. I think that we have neglected to mention one of the biggest douche bag contractor types out there.

    THE PREMADONNA FEMALE DOUCHE BAG.
    These are the females that believe they somehow, deserve to be treated special because they have a vagina. The I need a special shower because I am the only woman on this FOB worth looking at. Ican’t walk anywhere if I don’t have a truck or a ride then I can’t possibly get to work type. Why is it that a woman who is obviously in her 50′s thinks that every man on base is thinking of ways to sneak into her room and have his way with her? I have worked with a few of these types of contractors, and it is exhausting to listen to them. I mean really just go home for hells sake, if your in such danger here freaking leave. Also this type of douche bag contractor likes to think that they have a direct line to the “TOP”. These types will send a 3 page email to the Country Manager every day describing in great detail, everything has has gone on in the last 24. Right down to the time it took each contractor on the job to take a sh*& in the morning. Adding the size and describing the smell as well. These emails do nothing other then cause the CM to send an email to the Site Lead, asking them to have this individual stop sending them emails. This in turn causes the female to feel picked on sending even more emails, this time to the Program Manager stateside. This is the snowball effect, never ending and continually getting bigger.
    As in many posts before this one, I have to say, “Your getting paid (a lot of money) shut up, be happy, do your cake ass job, and quit being a total douche bag.

      (Quote This Comment)

    1. By the way I am the I can’t spell or use proper grammar and punctuation douche bag.

        (Quote This Comment)

  38. I’ve seen everyone of these types in both the civilian world and in the military. If you’re in the military, do the job you enlisted for, take every correspondence course you can, go to every school you can. If you can and you want, stay in. If you’re a civilian, do the job you hired on for, and do it the best you can. If you don’t like the job, save everybody else a load of grief and quit. I don’t see why these scumbags have to make life hard on the rest. If the PMCs are catching hell from their clients due to the attitudes of the CDs, maybe they need to thin the herd. It might be tough at first, but if it’s going to be of benefit, FIDO.

      (Quote This Comment)

  39. James

    Great write up mate. I was a british contractor both in Iraq and afghan. I can put faces to everyone of of those Douche Bags and possibly some more.

    I like yourself have to admit am not perfect and will have to join you in the I Cant Spell/sh*t grammer Contractorous Douchebagnus. Like you said we all cant be perfect.

    Had alot of laughs reading some of the stories. I think i have to share with you one of my all time favourites.

    My first contract was in Tikrit in 2005. My PSD team were en-route to Camp Spiker. As we came onto route Tampa there was a team infront of us also on Tampa. getting ever closer we noticed a motorbike was very close to the last vechicle of the other PSD team. Edgeing even closer we found that the motor bike was part of the PSD team and to put the icing on the cake the Douche Bag on it was dressed up like the charater Blade with the full Samuri Sword down the back of a very badly made Iraqi Bizare jacket. Sport a even worse Blade style haircut.

    Happily that day justice was served as they got turned away from FOB Spiker. Just another group of Douche Bags that should not have been there.

      (Quote This Comment)

  40. James G,
    Sounds like you were picked up at the airport by Tier-1 Todd.

      (Quote This Comment)

  41. Amen to that, brother. You nailed it.

    Sounds like 99% of the guys I worked with in kosovo,Qatar and Kuwait. I think in those 3 contracts I have only met about 6 contractors I liked.the rest were just as you described. I remember the guy who picked me up in Qatar, he showed up 3 hours after my plane arrived, holding a sign with my name on it up side down, and he looked like a cross between humpty dumpty and Clem Kadittlehopper.my 1st contract in kuwait there was no one at all to pick me up, I had no number to call, and no cell phone any way. I was forced to get a hotel room and contact them through the internet.And of course it was my fault that they were not there to pick me up.anyhoo, the only contract that I can say was enjoyable was my Darfur job. I worked with Non american contractors from Canada, south africa, and russia. I liked 99% of those guys and only met about 6 that were total assholes.If I ever work a contract again it will not be with my fellow americans, too many cry baby, navy seal/delta force/SF/ranger/I was there /retired E9 types for me, who will stab you in the back and fuck you over to make them selves look good to the boss.tomahawk  

      (Quote This Comment)

  42. Dude, that was hilarious. I’ve met a few of those guys in my time. Got one right here on Camp. He’s ex-SF or Delta or something. Fought the GOOKS in Cambodia and every war between Vietnam and hell and back. And loves to tell everyone about it. Has a gut the size of Mount Rainier.

    Then we’ve got the Ass Kissingest mofo on the planet. Talks shit about all of the Coalition Forces and then literally smiles all up in their faces this shit eating grin that looks like the Joker on crack.

    Tells everyone how great he is and can’t wait to get to the next person to start telling them how great he is. He’s the 1st Contractor that any incoming Commander meets and stays up his ass the whole tour.

    Even so, he ain’t that bad of a guy. Ya just wish he’d shut the fuck up.

    I suppose that I’m the loud jokster, can’t stop cursing sneaks off base to the Chinese whorehouses and underground bars douchebagenus. Can’t help it. I like to get out there and see the shit and, though I don’t feel invincible, can’t find enough give a fuck to reign myself in.

    Then again, the coolest, most laid back guys whom I’ve met were the guys whom I met out in those bars.

    Never did any combat. The only time I ever got shot at, I didn’t realize it until it was over. Small arms wise. Rockets and mortars seem to be a dime a dozen in Qandahar, Farah and places like that. Everyone gets that experience.

    Oh and I’m writing a book about the waste of time and money that this joint operation has become. Democracy my ass.

      (Quote This Comment)

  43. Dude, that was hilarious.I’ve met a few of those guys in my time.Got one right here on Camp.He’s ex-SF or Delta or something.Fought the GOOKS in Cambodia and every war between Vietnam and hell and back.And loves to tell everyone about it.Has a gut the size of Mount Rainier.Then we’ve got the Ass Kissingest mofo on the planet.Talks shit about all of the Coalition Forces and then literally smiles all up in their faces this shit eating grin that looks like the Joker on crack.Tells everyone how great he is and can’t wait to get to the next person tostart telling them how great he is.He’s the 1st Contractor that any incoming Commander meets and stays up his ass the whole tour.Even so, he ain’t that bad of a guy.Ya just wish he’d shut the fuck up.I suppose that I’m the loud jokster, can’t stop cursing sneaks off base to the Chinese whorehouses and underground bars douchebagenus.Can’t help it.I like to get out there and see the shit and, though I don’t feel invincible, can’t find enough give a fuck to reign myself in.Then again, the coolest, most laid back guys whom I’ve met were the guys whom I met out in those bars.Never did any combat.The only time I ever got shot at, I didn’t realize it until it was over.Small arms wise.Rockets and mortars seem to be a dime a dozen in Qandahar, Farah and places like that.Everyone gets that experience.Oh and I’m writing a book about the waste of time and money that this joint operation has become.Democracy my ass.  

    Yep, we all know the joker, smart ass, dumb ass, ass kisser, and so on.

    I dare you to release the book while you’re working on contract. You probably won’t :P

      (Quote This Comment)

  44. You know it’s bad when you go down this list and immediately someone’s face and name that you’ve worked with at some point or another pops up in your head.

    I didn’t read ALL of the comments, but one from Eric S. I saw I totally agree with. Majority of the time if team is full of one type or the other douchebag, it’s because it’s an American team. Sad… but true…

      (Quote This Comment)

  45. The “older than dirt” Contractorous Douchebagnus

    I know this guy. He just started working in my area a few weeks ago. He\’s old enough to be my grandfather(I\’ll be 52 on my next birthday if he doesn\’t cause me to slit my wrists before next R&R).

    He was in every campaign in Vietnam from 1964 through 1973 and served in every position from Marine private through Army company commander.

    In spite of contracting in the Middle East since the Third Crusade, he can\’t afford a pack of cigarettes and bums off of me and those around him more than we could possibly smoke in a lifetime. He has the obligatory Philipina wife(or second or third) and gets pissed at the mere suggestion that the bulk of his contracting $$$ went to raising the GDP of an entire Phillipine fishing village.

    The icing on the cake: He spends at least eight hours out of every day bitching about how the young, over -steroided contractors(who are younger than his great grandchildren) embellish their military careers.

      (Quote This Comment)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Upload Files

You can include images or files in your comment by selecting them below. Once you select a file, it will be uploaded and a link to it added to your comment. You can upload as many images or files as you like and they will all be added to your comment.