CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: The Douchebag Contractors Strikes Back

Douchebag Contractors Circa 1864

Please Read CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: Douchebag Contractors first

After the surprisingly huge reaction and popularity of “CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: Douchebag Contractors” we have decided to make this a once a month regular feature (its not like I will run out of material). I say “surprisingly” because I thought I was the only one that noticed and kept track of the various incarnations of the Contractorous Douchebagnus.

Also from the comments I found out that the Contractorous Douchebagnus has a close genetic cousin in the military, the ‘Militarous Soldiernus Douchebagnus’ (the Douchebag Military Soldier). Now that I think about it I have seen and worked with the Militarous Soldiernus Douchebagnus but because I am a contractor I just walked away whenever I ran into one of these oxygen thieves.

So if there are any Active Duty Military guys here that would like to write an article on the different versions of the Militarous Soldiernus Douchebagnus please contact me HERE.

But in the meantime we will continue covering the Douchebag Contractor in all his douchebagness. Below I have listed out 4 more species of the Contractorous Douchebagnus – enjoy.

The “Sand in the Vagina” Contractorous Douchebagnus

This is one of the most annoying incarnations of the Contractorous Douchebagnus, no matter what happens, good or bad; this guy will bitch about it for hours. If he hit the lotto for 900 trillion he would bitch and moan about having to drive to the lotto office during rush-hour.

You can spot the “Sand in the Vagina” Contractorous Douchebagnus a mile away at any team or staff meeting. He is the guy who lets out a loud sigh, rolls his eyes and shifts in his seat every 10 seconds the ENTIRE time. Just sitting beside this guy during any sort of briefing makes you want to strangle him.

The mere mention of doing any work or going the extra mile to do the job correctly gets a sigh and angry “ok, I’ll do it” response.

And when you ask him “dude, you are a contractor, if you are so unhappy here then why don’t you just go home?” he will get angry at you and make some excuse or act like he doesn’t know what you are talking about (but the real reason is he is broke and no one will employ his complaining ass CONUS).

This Douchebag is usually in his late 40’s, has leathery skin, is ex Army, is an alcoholic, has an untrimmed mustache and chain smokes.

The “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus

Generally speaking I don’t hate the Contractorous Douchebagnus, I understand they are just something that you have to deal with if you want to work in this business.

But there is one form of the Contractorous Douchebagnus that I truly hate down to my bones; The “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus. This piece of cat cock is making a fat 6-fig salary working in a war zone but he avoids, passes the buck or outright refuses to leave the Green Zone.

This fucker thinks he can come over to a place like Iraq, make a ton of cash, hang out on base taking hot showers and eating hot meals and never Pay the Piper. This guy doesn’t care if the Military unit or project he is supporting will suffer, just as long as he can stay safe on base.

You will rarely find this sack of shit on security or base services contracts because on those contracts they fire anyone that refuses to go outside the wire. Where you will find 99% of the “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus is on IT contracts, especially on the IT contracts that require a high security clearance and top tier IT certs to get hired onto.

Things like refusing to learn how use a gun, refusing to travel by land, refusing to travel by rotary wing, refusing to fly by fixed wing, refusing to leave their room because a mortar came in 4 hours ago are all common things the “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus will do (I have personally witnessed the above X100).

The “White Power” Contractorous Douchebagnus

I was about 1 year into my first contract in the Middle East when I met my first “White Power” Contractorous Douchebagnus. Our logistics guy called me to let me know I had a new roommate and asked me to show him the ropes.

So when I walked into my villa I was met by this dude with tatted up forearms who said “where do all the white people hang out?” – I just started laughing and said “I don’t know dude, the Officers club” – he didn’t get my joke and went back to pacing the TV room.

He ended going on and on about the master race to just about every white guy on the contract, the other white guys started avoiding him like the plague because they didn’t want to become collateral damage should one of the black dudes on the contract decide to frag him.

Anyway, over the years I have run into a ton of these scholars from Bagdad to Bombay – the one thing they all have in common is they all pretty much end up marrying some dark skinned local gal or Filipino maid.

And the guy I mentioned above? One day he showed up to work looking like he had a fight with a rhinoceros and walking like his ass hurt. He ended up quitting a day later, I later heard that he was in Iraq – the next story I expect to hear about him will surely involve him getting shot 28 times in the back… on base.

The “Bodybuilding.com” Contractorous Douchebagnus

Besides the skin tight Bodybuilding.com t-shirt that this tool wears everyday you can spot a “Bodybuilding.com” Contractorous Douchebagnus by the Frankenstein like way he walks around the PX and the workout notebook (because he can’t remember how many reps he did on his buddy) in his back pocket.

Note: 99% of the time the “Bodybuilding.com” Contractorous Douchebagnus is also a “Tough Guy” Contractorous Douchebagnus or some mil REMF fag.

When not making a scene in the gym by grunting and groaning, saying “yes Jeff, you got it baby, one more rep” and doing totally awesome Muscle Milk body shots off the abs of some other Douchebag, he is usually found never talking to women and jacking-off to Flex magazine.

A “Bodybuilding.com” Contractorous Douchebagnus will also deny that he uses steroids (procured by his company or unit LN translator) until they are red in the face – despite the fact the he weighed 130 pounds when arriving in-country 6 months ago (and now weighs 260).

In Conclusion…

Fell free to add your stories about working with the “Sand in the Vagina”, “Chicken Shit”, “White Power” or “Bodybuilding.com” Contractorous Douchebagnus in the comments below.

Whoever has the funniest story will win a Contractorous Douchebagnus Party Pack that includes a Massengill Disposable Douche Baby Powder Fresh, White Flag to wave, copy of Mein Kampf and a Half Drank Container of Muscle Milk.*

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~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and snorting Muscle Milk.

*No you won’t really win all that shit

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39 thoughts on “CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: The Douchebag Contractors Strikes Back”

  1. Funniest article yet.

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  2. This so mirrors the personalities in the military!

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  3. Awesome. Your post is full of win, as usual.

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  4. Along with contractors and military we definitely have all those in law enforcement!

    I spit my drink when you mentioned complaining about winning the lotto and having to drive to get the money. I just got done working with that exact guy; talk about dragging the moral down on a daily basis. It was like we won the lotto when he left the unit.

    Another great article!

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  5. I spit my drink when you mentioned complaining about winning the lotto and having to drive to get the money. I just got done working with that exact guy; talk about dragging the moral down on a daily basis

    Yep The “Sand in the Vagina” Contractorous Douchebagnus damages morale more than just about any other group of Douchebags – those guys need to be purged from all teams.

    Unfortunately management will refuse to dump him (Because he didn’t “do” anything against policy) and many team leaders are lazy and choose not to deal with them.

    Along with contractors and military we definitely have all those in law enforcement!

    My favorite Policeous Officerous Douchebagnus is the “Stab a Brother Cop in the Back” Policeous Officerous Douchebagnus – too bad you can’t frag someone in law enforcement

    ~James G

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  6. HA, and here I thought I coined the term “sand in your vagina”. I have had plenty of guys like that. One of which during the summer in Iraq wouldn’t stop bitching as to how hot it was.

    To which I and pretty much every other guy said. “You chose a job in the desert Ahole, the the hell did you expect” To which eventually I added “if you don’t shut the f*ck up about the the I am going to stake you out on top of the hotel and leave you there until your cooked through”.

    Oddly the “sand in the vag” guys tend to have multi-douchebagnus personalities (this is a psychological term). I have met those who were also the bodybuilding.com ones.

    One of who asked if I thought we were going to get shot at. To which I responded “golly gee, in a war zone. Nah! Those flowers that Cheney talked about should be coming any minute now dumbarse”.

    And then I told him to just squeeze his glutes together and the bullets would just probably bounce right off aside from the other bullet shaped object that he let in. He didn’t get that last one.

    Never ran in to the “White Power” CDs yet. Thank goodness. I freaking hate racist pieces of dog excrement. I doubt I could bunk with one. Good on ya james for putting up with that.

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  7. Never ran in to the “White Power” CDs yet. Thank goodness. I freaking hate racist pieces of dog excrement. I doubt I could bunk with one. Good on ya james for putting up with that.

    Guys like that are so stupid you can’t help but just laugh at them, I never really saw him around the villa much anyway and he was on a different team. And I figured he wouldn’t be around for long once he started running his mouth about burning crosses to the black guys on the team (and I was right)

    I was worried that the black, Mexican and other non white dudes on the contract would get drunk one night and burn down my villa so I let everyone know I lived there also, so please don’t frag me by mistake as I have no choice about who I bunk with.

    I have actually run into allot of the “White Power” Contractorous Douchebagnus, maybe I am just unlucky or something.

    Oddly the “sand in the vag” guys tend to have multi-douchebagnus personalities (this is a psychological term). I have met those who were also the bodybuilding.com ones.

    Most Contractorous Douchebagnus are mutts, a hodgepodge of several different breeds of the Contractorous Douchebagnus in one inbred package

    ~James G

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  8. You forgot about the “one upper” my ops are blacker than your ops contractor. The worst ones are the guys who you know were in a less than high speed MOS and try telling you they HALO jumped over the arctic circle. I do not have enough middle fingers

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    1. Ooooo… I have a very special article already written up for that crowd, look out for it next month

      ~James G

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    2. A lot of people also don’t reailze that if a group is “closed” when they post things to the group, they often show up in their friend’s timelines…even if their friends aren’t in the group. Secret groups are the only ones that aren’t seen – but I always post carefully in these groups, keeping it in the back of my mind that facebook could change the rules at any time and make those groups visible.

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  9. “Where you will find 99% of the “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus is on IT contracts, especially on the IT contracts that require a high security clearance and top tier IT certs to get hired onto.”

    Ummm, I kind of take offense to that mark…put a gun in my hand, a laptop on my back and I’ll shoot my way to the cut network wire and make sure the network is up under heavy fire any day of the week, over sitting behind a freaking desk watching packets…

    Come to think of if, several IT contractors that I know (who have spent more time in FOB’s with guns AND laptops in their hands, than with their own family) show more balls than some of the officers I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure to know.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying ALL officers are j-holes, but as in the contractor world, there are a few in the military.

    Good article overall. Interesting to see as in the CONUS contracting world, things are the same between shooters and non-shooters

    EDITORS NOTE: I added your last comment to this one Norm, ~James G

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    1. I know that you are squared away Norm, but I am not joking when I say this is a very real problem on top-tier OCONUS IT contracts in war zones. And I am totally speaking from experience here, all first hand “I saw it with my own eyes” stuff.

      I hate to blame the Army here but on certain IT contracts they (the army) set the hiring standards at the same level for a stateside IT contractor job (for an OCONUS IT contract that is overkill – it’s the equivalent of asking for only ex-Seals for a security guard job). Like asking for 5 years IT experience (in multiple IT disciplines), 4 year college degree, 5 different industry certs, prior military contracting experience and a TS/SCI + National Security and Lifestyle Polly.

      For the folks reading this that don’t work in IT Contracting with the military the above may not mean anything to you, but recruiting guys with the above experience, Security Clearance and education for a job half way around the world in a war zone is almost impossible.

      Anyone with the above qualls is already making 6-figs in the states, is surely married with children and is basically unwilling to quit a job that they have already invested 5 years of their life in to leave their family behind and work in a War Zone on a one year contract (with no guarantee for rehire) for barely double what they currently make.

      So when a company finally does recruit an IT guy that meets the Army’s extremely high requirements and is willing to quit their CONUS job working in a nice office and going home to their family every night to sleep on a cot in a dusty building getting shelled by mortars every other day they won’t fire them even if they do refuse to work outside the wire.

      I also know of one IT contract in A-Stan where the Army dismissed almost all of the IT contractors because they would never go outside the wire – an ENTIRE CONTRACT of guys dismissed because they were “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus, unbelievable right

      Oh… they were making a quarter of a million dollars to work for less than 11 months

      ~James G

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      1. Yup, this IT guy is more scared of Lipstick-6 than leaving the FOB. So no contract work in Taji for me.

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  10. I don’t think it’s just the Army either. It’s most likely the same in all branches. And unfortunately, you’re right in the positions, I’d love to be able to sign up and head over to do my part. As a matter of fact, I kind of feel guilty that I’m not over there helping. As a civvie, I have a choice, the soldiers on the other hand, have to leave their families, friends, loved ones and go where their officers tell them.

    If it weren’t for my three year old son, I’d be there in a heart beat, but I just can’t bring myself to leave him just yet. Given a few years, he’ll be past that sensitive bonding age and I’ll be re-considering the positions.

    And unfortunately, you’re right about the ones who currently have the positions here. Some of us that are in the position and are willing to ‘do our part’ where it counts are also in positions that afford us a nice salary and fairly long term positions. The possibility of not having a job after a year (even one that would pay off ALL the families debts) just isn’t as appealing as a long term gig. Job security and all. Those that DO end up in the OCONUS positions, unfortunately (based on your experiences) end up putting a bad air about the rest of the geek community. Also, some of those willing and able to go, just don’t have the necessary experience or qualifications.

    My sympathies go out to anyone who has to work with ANY of the DBCT’s that you mentioned in these articles. Here’s just hoping that one day, you end up working beside some of the better guys/girls out there.

    I do grumble and complain from time to time at my current position, but I’ll tell you what. It’s a job, it needs done and that’s what I was hired to do. I know I’m not taking fire, or wondering if the next incoming mortar is going to drop on my head, but there’s plenty of times that I didn’t want to do something, but ended up doing it because “IT WAS MY JOB”. For an entire contract to be dropped because some candy ass didn’t want to do what was required???? Hello, you signed up for a WAR ZONE, what did you THINK was going to happen? They were going to throw roses at you? That disgusts me. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the sandbox.

    Sorry, I’ll get off of my soapbox now. Just wanted to make sure people knew that not all ‘geeks’ were sniveling ‘nerds’ like the media portrays us to be. That’s just one of the things that get’s my goat. Kind of like when people use the term ‘hacker’ as a derogatory title and not understanding the true meaning. Similar to what some contract shooter outfits are dealing with. Not all of them are DB’s, but the ones that are, are getting all the attention, therefore labeling ‘all’ CTR’s as such.

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    1. Now don’t get me wrong, by no means are all of the IT contractors in war zones pusses – its just due to the nature (mentioned above) of top-teir IT contracts these guys ore the only ones that end up never getting fired – so basically they are the only ones because anyone refusing to work outside of wire on any other contract would get the boot.

      I know and have personally worked with a TON of brave and squared away IT contractors that spend 100% of their time in the red zone supporting our troops.

      And many IT contractors (especially at the beginning of the war) would lay down networks and 10 minutes later lay down gunfire. We used to call them “Combat IT” – sort of a play on “Combat Engineer” because like the combat engineers that built bridges and fought in WW2, today’s Combat IT Engineers will Build Networks and fight.

      Many IT contractors have been killed doing exactly the above, I know and worked with a few. But the “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus that work in IT disgrace them by shaming everyone else in their profession with their cowardly behavior.

      ~James G

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    2. Hello,

      Not trying to Troll, but I disagree with your view of the Military men over there. I do not see a huge difference between the military and the contractos under fire.

      You say the enlisted “have to leave their families, friends, loved ones and go where their officers tell them.”

      Well, they had a choice of whether to take the oath or not take it…just as I had a choice between going and staying in the U.S. With all of the benefits the Military receives, it MORE than equals any disparity in pay. I mean these guys get VA lons, VA care, 20 yrs and lifetime retirement, the ability to join VFW’s, free college through the G.I. Bill, TIPS, etc…. I am not saying they do not deserve them…they most definitely do! They put their lives on the line for our Freedom!

      What I am saying is the contractor is unfairly classified as just money hungry…all the time! Money was a part of my decision going over as it is when anyone anywhere works for a living…I am including the military here, but it was more about a sense of purpose that my job brought serving alongside the soldiers at one on the most dangerous FOBs in Iraq for three years! I finally had a job that MATTERED.

      Wish I was still there, crazy as that sounds…

      Sorry if I rambled…I just had surgery and the Demoral is still working its magic..wish I could have all the rest of the surgeries instead of having to go back to court for more battles….damn I hate AIG…our premiums were over $30,000 at one point..where the hell are the benifits when you need them.

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  11. A few weeks or months back…I was inquiring about two individuals who I used to work with in the Canadian Army, to make a long story short…

    both of these guys were kicked out of the military, one was for cowardice under fire in Astan, the other was just a complete moron who was always in some sort of administrative burden, in other words, these two idiots are the biggest idiots in the unit…

    well..from what I was told, both are security contractors now in Astan…If you happen to come across these assclowns, stay away quick as most likely they will tell stories about their wonderfull glory days back in the day kinda BS…

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  12. Funny shit man

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  13. And many IT contractors (especially at the beginning of the war) would lay down networks and 10 minutes later lay down gunfire. We used to call them “Combat IT” – sort of a play on “Combat Engineer” because like the combat engineers that built bridges and fought in WW2, today’s Combat IT Engineers will Build Networks and fight.

    THAT’s good to hear, it makes me feel better knowing that there are ‘Combat IT’ out there that’s willing to take it just as serious as the soldiers they’re supporting. And unfortunately, like you said;

    the “Chicken Shit” Contractorous Douchebagnus that work in IT disgrace them by shaming everyone else in their profession with their cowardly behavior.

    I know it’s a little thing, but thanks for putting me at ease about that. Sorry I stirred up a hornets nest on this one. Like I said, the standard ‘geek’ stereotype is kind of a sore subject for me.

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  14. Yep – has nothing to do with the Vocation, it’s the contract to blame

    ~James G

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  15. the above reminds me of 99% of the american guys we worked with down range.

    however, the aussies,RSA boys, rhodesians,and a few of the brits were ok.

    I dont know why but, whenever i have a problem with a person anywhere in the world ,it is usually my fellow american contractor assholes.

    tomahawk

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  16. James,

    Funny stuff man! I’ve met a few of those myself in the short time I was in A’stan. But then again, I meet the same variety in just about any business I work for it seems!

    BTW, I don’t believe that you have covered the former/ retired CSM, SM, LTC, COL, variety of “Contractorous Douchebagnus.” Usually an overbearing know it all, or insufferable pedant that knows how to do it better. It is usually manifested with an overbearing ego, an overbearing personality, and a tendency to manage via intimidation vrs motivation.

    Just a thought…

    Best regards,
    Albert

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  17. !BTW, I don’t believe that you have covered the former/ retired CSM, SM, LTC, COL, variety of “Contractorous Douchebagnus.” Usually an overbearing know it all, or insufferable pedant that knows how to do it better. It is usually manifested with an overbearing ego, an overbearing personality, and a tendency to manage via intimidation vrs motivation.Just a thought…Best regards,

    The Retired CSM is on my Contractorous Douchebagnus list (it has about 80 different variations on it so far) – he actually almost made it on this one but you will see him on one of these so standby

    ~James G

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  18. Unfortunately the “Sand in the Vagina” types are everywhere. The worst is the “Sand in the Vagina Comedians” who think that their endless bitching is funny.

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  19. You Forgot Fobit Douchebagnus:
    -someone who stays on the F.O.B. (forward operating base)and lives by all the silly little rules that make no sense in a combat zone.

    -someone who stays on the F.O.B. the whole deployment and buys all the shit at the PX.

    -the one guy who’s uniforms are the cleanest while in Iraq or Afganistan
    soldier #1-”Hey there where is your reflective belt? You need to have it on at night!”

    soldier #2-”Shut up you damn fobit, I actually go out of the wire while you sit behind your desk all day!”

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  20. So I’m on just my second tour right now in Iraq, thanks to a friendly fedex envelope from the Army recalling me back. And I’m amazed at how many of these douchebags are around (especially the gym kind). I got placed this time around in a very cush job doing what I like to call “limo services”. And the griping that I hear from these guys is suffocating. The young guys and even some of the older ones that have never done anything that want to “get some action” need to be slapped. Being prepared, trained and ready mentally is what they don’t grasp, they just want to shoot something with a weapon that they don’t even know the fundamentals with.

    Anyway, love the articles you guys write. It’s nice to know there are still level headed people out there.

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  21. What the hell is wrong with these guys? Personally, I have been trying to get hired as a contractor for 5 years, always getting told I don’t have what they’re looking for, etc.. A 6 figure salary, and these guys have to be little bitches? I know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth (even though it may kick the crap out of you), and would love just the chance to prove myself.

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  22. You Forgot Fobit Douchebagnus

    LOL, they are on my list and will receve the full treatment soon

    The young guys and even some of the older ones that have never done anything that want to “get some action” need to be slapped.

    The same FOBIT’S that are always talking about how they want to “GET SOME!” are usually the first ones to freeze, shit themselves or lay behind hard cover the entire time if they do see some action outside the wire.

    Glad you like DVM dude, great to have some active duty mil guys here

    ~James G

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  23. What about the guys that get the contract, but then immediately start talking about when they are going to get that phat azz new contract with another company in the “Stan” because they aren’t being paid enough by the current company that hired their sorry asses? Or the dudes that were all HSLD in their “special” units, but can’t even BZO a frickin M4? Nor can they hit the broad side of a barn when the other dudes show them how to zero?

    D

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    1. Yep – those guys are on the list also

      ~James G

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  24. Dude, you should have an entire website devoted just to these guys! LOL!

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  25. Good shit man, do not forget the West Point pampered douche. In my book he is the worse, daddy’s cash and dick sucking got him in and now he is better then the working class guys who did not have that chance.

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    1. Yep – I worked with one of those douchebag ring knockers on a contract a few years ago

      ~James G

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    2. Or maybe you just have a chip on your shoulder. I’m a grad and if WP hadn’t accepted me I would have enlisted. No money from Daddy and I seem to remember having a distinctly working class upbringing. DADT hasn’t been revoked yet so the D-sucking won’t get you in yet, what will are excellent grades and good athletic ability.

      I’ve run into dozens of guys with a hard on for “ring knockers” but the dirtbag ratio I’ve observed is pretty even between ROTC and West Point. The best and absolute worst I’ve seen are OCS grads, it’s a real mixed bag. I don’t wear the ring, but then again I don’t wear any jewlrey other than a watch. I’ve certainly met dirtbag classmates but no more so than other sources of commission.

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      1. I agree ! It is equally spread out , in my experience in very short time you know whose real and whose not . Just like life …. Cheers

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  26. Hahaha thanks guys gave me a good laugh and i do have one particular Douche-bag in mind i’d like to share with you.
    I’m ex Aussie Army K9 , we were only a small section so everyone is known. Anyway i got a gig early 05 with CAI ( formerly part of Custer Battles ) in Iraq. When i 1st turned up i kept hearing about this other Aussie who had extensive experience in EDD , EOD , mine warfare balah blah blah , thought this was a bit strange as i’d never heard of him , and being a trainer at the school of Military Engineering for some years our paths should of crossed.

    Anyway i was getting some feed back off the other handlers that this tool was a real wild card , doing shit like making explosive door droppers for the US Mil he was out on missions with , jumping in a vehicle and driving himself of a night from BIAP to the green Zone , just complety fucked up shit.

    So what happens , because we both Aussies they bunk me up with him , seriously the room was like a fucking armory , Ak47′s with thousands of rounds , Sten gun , mini MP5′s , frag grenades , belts of Mk19 he grenades and a fucking Mag58 with Australian Defense force markings , obvious this Douche was spending more time playing Rambo that actually working his dog.

    Finally met the tool and found out he was asking the US commanders if he could take whatever weaponry he found back to the CAI compound to stock the armory , oh and i hit him up about his EDD back ground, never had one , the retard had been an Artillery spotter for 10 years , the only time he touched explosives was when he had to slab a blind round on the range , and his only handling experience was doing some 2 week bite dog cse for a civilian company back in Aus.

    Seriously this tard had about 4 weeks of his contract left and told me he had ways of getting all this weaponry back into Australia under the Radar , good thing i had mates in customs and gave then the Douches name , port of entry and expected arrival date , never heard what the eventual outcome was though.

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  27. You’ve successfully (in both articles) described many of my fellow NG members… what’s worse though is that because it’s the NG all the “douchebag-ed-ness” gets cranked to 11 automatically.

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  28. Yeah, I’m guilty of being a Bodybuilding.com dude but I ain’t a douchebag. Yeah, I read Flex, so what?, I also read SOF and Hustler too. I cary a water jug and my cantein is full of whey.

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  29. My favorite Policeous Officerous Douchebagnus is the “Stab a Brother Cop in the Back” Policeous Officerous Douchebagnus – too bad you can’t frag someone in law enforcement

    ~James G

    Oh yes, I have twitched many an eyelid steaming over this sub-species. The one particular member of the Policeous Officerous Douchbagnus genus I cant stand is the “I’m here because it’s better than digging ditches” Officerous. They don’t do anything they aren’t required to, they NEVER go looking for trouble, it takes them three times longer than it should backing someone up, they always seem to avoid being the first on the scene, they will spend 30 minutes trying to worm their way out of doing a 5 minute report, and you can usually find them in their natural habitat if you look hard enough – in their cars, parked behind an abandoned building in the shitty section of town, updating their facebook or twittimg their tweets. They also always seem to exhibit a grandiose opinion of themselves and their abilities, while simultaneously waddling around on the streets, cops, civilians and scumbags alike, jaws to the floor while they watch this species act in a grossly negligent and dangerous manner

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