I eat Twinkies for breakfast but I still think I am a warrior
Every time I see some fat ass at a training class, online, in uniform or working as a contractor I want to walk up to him and yell “STOP EATING”
The most annoying ones are the fat bodies who claim to be some sort of “bad-ass” or even worse – are actually working or teaching in a warrior related profession. And its not just the fact these guys are disgusting blobs of blubber, it’s the shitty tough guy attitude that just about every fat “warrior” has.
I remember a few years ago a buddy of mine asked me to take a knife fighting seminar with him because he paid for his wife to go and she backed out at the last minute. I figured “why not, its free” so after driving for 4 hours, paying for a hotel room and giving up my entire weekend I walked into the class to see this dude with a big fat belly standing there.
Now, my buddy knows how I am so as soon as he saw me looking at Mr. Chubby Knife Guy he said “Dude, please don’t say anything, he is a bit chubby but he knows his shit. So I bit my tongue for the sake of my buddy and went along with the program, and honestly the training wasn’t that bad until he started talking about discipline and warrior mindset stuff.
At that point I couldn’t control myself anymore so I asked “if you are a disciplined warrior than why are you so overweight?” Damn, the expression on his face looked like I called his mother a whore or something.
Anyway he went off on a rant about how he wasn’t really fat, had muscle underneath and could still kick ass and take names and all sorts of other insecure stuff fat people say when you call them out for being a buffet rapist.
Fo reals, how am I supposed to take some guy teaching a tactical course seriously if he doesn’t even have the discipline to stop bringing his hand to his fat fucking mouth?
I am not a dietitian or anything like that, the “DVM From Fat Body to Not So Fat Body Diet” is something that I put together with a buddy of mine (who is a certified dietitian) about 9 years ago to help out a friend that became disgustingly fat after a car accident.
Since then I have passed this on to other folks who didn’t want to look like Jabba the Hut anymore. It is a simple program that even someone with bacon on the brain could follow, don’t expect to slim down in two months with this diet, it will take all of a year before you wont look like a glad bag full of cottage cheese.
The DVM From Fat Body to Not So Fat Body Diet:
Before you eat your meal (breakfast, lunch or dinner) drink 2 cups of water and one serving of raw vegetables or fruit.
Wait 20 minutes, then eat half of your meal
Drink another glass of water
Wait 15 minutes, and then decide if you are still hungry.
If you are still hungry then eat half of what’s left and throw out the rest. But most likely you will feel full, if you feel full or close to full then don’t eat anymore.
Also eat your meals at the same time everyday if you can, and only 3 meals a day with no snacking in-between.
And never eat or drink the following things again:
- Anything that comes in a plastic bag
- Anything that you can buy from a drive through
Now every fat guy claims that he doesn’t have time to exercise, that’s just a bullshit excuse. Everyone has 30 minutes to spare everyday, period.
This is easy…
Walk around your neighborhood for 30 minutes everyday, when you stop sweating and gasping for air then walk faster, in a few months you will be up to jogging for 30 minutes everyday. Don’t push yourself, take your time to work up to running.
That’s it dude
In a year or so you wont be a fucking fat ass anymore. There are a bunch of great exercise (like crossfit) and diet (like Atkins) programs out there that are way better than this one.
But in my experience if a diet and exercise program has more than a few rules people will grow frustrated or bored with it within 4 months. This program is simple and basically only has 2 steps, even a monkey could follow this.
So in a year you will thank me when you are able to see your dick again.
Founder – Editor in Chief
James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and making scenes in knife fighting classes.