- Really?
Attention Tactical Gear Manufacturers: Not only do I not believe that Special Forces guys carry your 3-foot long Tactical Tomahawk or 8000D MOLLE checkbook cover into combat – I just don’t give a shit.
Every time I read a new tactical gear product description I am hoping in my mind that: “this will be the one, the 200-pound catfish of Tactical Gear Ads, the one that will not have a single mention of Special Forces or (insert High Speed ninja-like tactical group) using it to fight for freedom in faraway lands”
But, alas no sooner I am thinking “this is a pretty cool piece of kit” BAM! There it is in all capital letters – “used by Navy SEALS in Afghanistan to fight Al Qaeda” at the bottom.
I am not sure what Tactical Gear Manufacturers are thinking when they take out adds like this in magazines and online. Do they seriously think someone will look at their MultiCam nalgene bottle case and think “man, if this was only used by Force Recon Marines I would totally buy it”?
Plus – I am not an SF guy jumping out of an airplane into East Germany. That’s great if your kit works for high-speed SF dudes who have the budget to replace their gear every mission or use it for extended combat, while living in caves for months at a time with the Northern Alliance.
I just want good kit that will last for a while, is comfortable and functional – so tell me about the materials, the stitching, features and that it will still be in good shape in a year or so. No need to BS me with SF unit name-dropping and other poser shit like that – I am not impressed, and I seriously doubt that anyone over the age of 16 is impressed either.
Honestly I would be more impressed if you said “Used by Force Protection gate guards in Japan for 3 years straight” than “Ninjas use our shit while killing communists in North Korea”
So please, no matter how many high-speed types use your new piece of gear don’t treat us like gullible teenagers or mall ninjas when advertising it – just make good kit and leave the hype to Hollywood.
P.S. MultiCam is still gay
—————————————————————————————
~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief
James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and kicking kittens.
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It’s just as bad going to the local indoor gun range where I can the walls covered in poster ad’s for MOLLE gear, tactical flashlights and sweat proof tactical socks with a SWAT team or SF team looking like the next room they go into just may be their last. But wait a fucking minute, you have tactical socks?! Your gonna kick some ass and take names now. The worst part about this range is the fucking douch bags that work there that all wear this shit and think their SF. There fucking socks dude!
What bothers me the most about the ads and promises of SF use is the fact that they must work or they would quit saying SF uses their shit. It’s the civilian soldier X in the backwoods trying to be Rambo that buys the marketing hype.
Anyway, enough rant. Great article.
Zendog(Quote This Comment)
Oh yeah, I wrote the above in my MultiCam Tactical Pen that’s used by Navy Seal sniper teams….and Jack Bauer.
Zendog(Quote This Comment)
The sad part is if TAD made a tactical titanium bottle cap eliminator for 249.99 I would buy it
jeff77(Quote This Comment)
LOL…TAD fans would buy a turd if that company sold it.
Jason A(Quote This Comment)
hahahah James, we know you love your tactical checkbook cover
Tacticalgearhead(Quote This Comment)
Had to kill the epic comment and replies
~James G
James G(Quote This Comment)
Me want the bottle opener!!
Most of the gear is sold to wannabes anyways, go to a gun show and check out what the people are wearing. All ninjas in tacticool gear so the ads are clearly working.
Bob(Quote This Comment)
I do believe 5.11 sells a tactical coffee mug ;-0
Bob(Quote This Comment)
You gotta keep in mind James, this stuff isn’t being marketed to you – it’s being marketed to the Airsoft\Paintball crowd.
Papa C(Quote This Comment)
Kitty kicking aside, I have to agree with you. Seems like there’s a real disconnect with these manufacturers and consumers.
Jeanette K.(Quote This Comment)
Look at it this way – the potential poser/wannbe/tacticool market is a hell of a lot bigger than the market for actual tactical professionals, and it’s only getting bigger as more people decide that they like the “tactical” look.
The same thing happened to North Face over the last 20 years or so. They used to be a small specialized company that marketed clothing and gear to hard-core mountaineering types. At some point, urban hipsters decided that it was the cool brand, and the clothing turned into yuppie-wear. I can’t blame North Face for following the money; I’m sure selling puffy coats to college kids has them rolling in dough.
Think of the upside though; if the tacticool trend continues, in 10 years “Greyman” will be achieved by wearing full on Ninja battle-rattle to go to the grocery store (in Multicam, of course).
I can see the ads now:
“Mom says expandable thigh pockets are so practical for carrying her titantium/kevlar Kindle, and the IR-reflective patches help her avoid friendly-fire as she’s picking up the kids after dark!”
Striker 2(Quote This Comment)
I would venture the guess that if one single special operator buys it, then the statement would have to be considered as “TRUE”, misleading as hell, mind you, not to mention mind-boggling as all get out.
Cause with all the crap, I mean gear, that these people carry now, why in God’s name would they want to carry a “tactical checkbook cover”? Or is Wal-Mart now open in-theatre and nobody told me?
Then again, I really can’t wait for “Tactical Pet Rocks” to make the news!
Stephen Jacura(Quote This Comment)
I avoid the headaches and hassles by just buying tactical gear with the seal of approval from any “15yr old air-soft warrior.”
Chris Brown(Quote This Comment)
@ Chris Brown:
LMAO!!
Stephen Jacura(Quote This Comment)
The idea is … preposterous.
For fifty-seven years now, there has been a one stop-look no further product to fill the need for a tactical bottle cap annihalator: the metric FN-fal magazine.
So your ad is really only half as rediculous as the basic premise of your product.
insincerely
Michael Hawkins.
P.S.
Don’t kick kittens.
Michael Hawkins(Quote This Comment)
@ Michael Hawkins:
Agreed.
And yes, please, don’t kick kittens.
Donald Rumsfeld (sp), hell yes!
Stephen Jacura(Quote This Comment)
Selling all that Tacti-cool poser crap is what lets me keep my prices low to sell the real stuff to guys who need it
Nick O(Quote This Comment)
Good on ya, Nick!
Stephen Jacura(Quote This Comment)
Funny funny shit you wrote. I’m a handgun instructor and being new at it, I’m learning about all the people who insist they can’t function without a lot of bling.
I keep it REALLY plain and simple for money reasons and I’m probably not smart enough to keep up with it all. What’s next? Tactical SF approved high heels? It sure seems like it’s going that way.
People who work in indian country need what they need. But, the people these adds target to? C’mon…
Great article.
Angelo(Quote This Comment)
The other thing we’ve notice is how broken some of the high speed mall ninja style gear is. Guys who go to the range and the Fobbits who wanna look Bad-Ass don’t care and that is the target market. We work with a good group of small companies that shock of all shocks listen to the guys on the line who use the stuff for the purpose intended. To keep you and your guys alive.
Nick O(Quote This Comment)
You hit the nail right on the head James, bloody good article.
John R.(Quote This Comment)
@ Angelo
Sort’a makes you wonder about the old saw “ounces equal pounds in the field” don’t it?
This is NOT an ad, but, 5 years ago we developed an 8 season sleep system that although weighing an average 6 pounds, uses an internal air frame (erecting via minimum 40 strokes via manual pump or full frame via C02 injection [in 2 seconds]) for whatever weather you’re facing.
It does not require a sleeping bag in 10C temperatures and above, needs only a 10C bag or blanket to minus 20C, OR a 0C bag to -40C, is 100% recyclable, 100% biodegradable (at 10 years), is inherently windproof, waterproof, DEET and POL resistant, micro-biologic resistant, somewhat flame resistant (unless you get hit by lightning (then all bets are off)), IR resistant, EMP resistant, and 100% No See Um resistant.
Natick tested it, but not as we recommended (they put a Mannequin in a sleeping bag, put the unit on a cot, put a hose into the sleeping bag to blow warm air over it, then dropped the temperature in the chamber to 5C), and said it’s no better than anything else (sorry, but Mannequin’s don’t bivouac, real soldiers do).
So when we asked for the shelter back, their response was “Sorry, we seem to have lost the sample.” And that was 6 years ago.
From Jake Harper: Ooooh, he said “erected”!
Stephen Jacura(Quote This Comment)
Couldn’t have said it better myself
Angelo(Quote This Comment)
It’s one thing to say some ex or current high-speed operator guy helped to design the item in question, but it is such a crock that everyone claims that those people use them. Even if some of these companies had a contract with GOV for their items to be stocked in armories, how would they know where it goes or how uses it? It’s not like the operator could figure out what he’s got (unless its by request) since all those pouches are scrubbed before operations.
TAG seems to be the only company I know of that can boast design and use by SEALs. The owner is ex-SEAL, so there’s design. And an SEAL buddy of mine gave me a few of his left-over issued pouches, and they are TAG made I can tell. Even though they have no logos or info tags on them at all.
Kevin(Quote This Comment)
I see this more and more at the range. Thankfully the range officer lets me go to the LE side where I don’t have to put up with the people with 300$ bags to carry their decked out and customized with all the bells and whistles guns. They annoy the shit out of me.
Who gives a crap if your gear comes from where ever. Do I have a TAD gear bag? Yup. But I have been using it for the past 5 years without issue and I freaking love it. (I know guys that replace theirs every year to get the new one). Cause when I buy something I squeeze every freaking penny out of it that I spent. Because good gear, you are going to be able to do that.
But gear that says, this knife is the SEALs official knife. Or bags that claim to be used my SF or whichever unit. I try to get to the SHOT show at least every other year and it just increases every time I walk it. Every other booth says used by operators in the Kush or Baghdad or wherever. Which I find sad, if you make great gear, any one with even a little bit of field cred is going to recognize it for what it is. The rest, is just to sucker chumps into giving up a pay check to buy something they will never use to the capabilities of what it is purported to do.
Eugene(Quote This Comment)
James – sir, you rock. Great article. Of course I really need the VTAC tomahawk and the real deal SEAL 6 wallet. And the MOLLE gear which I cannot figure out how to use. How many tactical pouches does one need hanging on another pouch? Personally, I like Filson field bags and Domke F2 camera bags. That’s about it. Oh, and all the ninjas in Missouri are now dead, thanks to my Extreme Tactical Ninja Anti-Attack Bomb.
David West(Quote This Comment)
Waaaal, now, wait a minute… I remember like it was yesterday, we were trying to sneak our SpecOps three man submersible up the Mekong, an’ taking serious fire from Uncle Ho’s elite personal bodyguard, shootin’ at us with them ChiCom rockets, I think they wuz called PMS’s, an’ we thought we wuz goners… then Barney stood up, wavin’ his Tiger Stripe MAC-V Zippo in one hand, an’ his ninja-styled KaBar sheath in the other, and them commies hit the trail… they knew they wuz no match for American tactical special black ops technology! So see, that stuff can save the day after all.
OK – reality: a friend of mine gives me his older issues of gun & blade magazines and I saw an ad running in a couple of gun mags that actually angered me. The ads were for a cleaner and lubricant, and the product may be OK, I don’t know… but they had these fake testimonials from three ‘soldiers’ praising this stuff, and the thing is, each of the fake soldiers signed his initials “Captain PK, Afghanastan” and “Sgt. BO, Afghanastan”, and so on.
Notice the misspelling of the country? Notice the same misspelling in each case? I did.
Now – we all make spelling mistakes, sure we do. But the thought of a group of guys in A Stan ALL misspelling the same word, plus the coincidence of whoever wrote the ad copy missing each one, and the likelihood of everyone’s ‘Spell Check’ features not working… well, I call Bravo Sierra! Some dork made up the testimonials, and that really does, as they say, chap my arse. It disrespects the guys over there right now, it insults the intelligence of the readers, and it makes sure I will never buy their stuff. I follow various sites, and if someone on Kit Up says something is great and it worked in the heat, the sand and filth and crud, then I put a lot of faith in that. But these ads?
Save them up to put on your rose garden next Spring.
Now, I must get back to work on my new invention, a Tactical Black Keyboard, made in matte black with NO letters or numbers to show up and give you away during night ops. I’ll sell a million of ‘em.
julian(Quote This Comment)
I have to admit that while my 5.11s are comfortable pants, every time I see a mall security guard or geriatric wearing them in the US all I can think is just how gay they look.
Peacedog(Quote This Comment)
IF the reviews in question were real, it is possible that the editor re-wrote them all into the magazine free-hand instead of copy+paste their reviews. The one desk jockey typing up the whole article could have mis-written the same word out of memory. Or you’re dead on and they’re fake… who knows.
Kevin(Quote This Comment)
So, SF doesn’t use Multicam socks???!!! I am sending those back right away! Jocking aside, great piece James; Keep them coming!
Lav(Quote This Comment)
I must say being a gear Whore .I have cycled through a lot of stuff. I usually acquired after getting in country and asking others about functionality ! I must say I still use my camelback backpack as the main in brown. Notice no coyote in front . I like brown I tried black (retains heat too much) Green ( too Army ) . So in the overall view give me brown with no pretense and a few molle straps, my HEST knife, jeans,some button up non loud collard shirt ,add comfortable socks and boots covered by trousers ! I am off to the races the rest is crap, but I still buy and try LOL!
swordpoint9(Quote This Comment)
Would it be out of line to mention the forthcoming Barney Frank Tactical Buttplug, available in early November?
Slobyskya Rotchakokov(Quote This Comment)
When I was on active-duty in my old unit, many of these companies would just send us gear free of charge, stuff like gloves, Oakley sunglasses, Sunco GPS watches, and other crap. We were able to get gear outside of the conventional supply chain via open purchases. I guess they just send this crap out an an attempt to get us to buy it eventually. We never had to turn it in. We just kept this junk or gave it away to the “gear queers.”
Jason A(Quote This Comment)
the rise in tactical gear can be found on the airsoft market is hugh multi million dollar/sterling industry
i play airsoft over here in britian as ive left the forces here and found it to be a great way to keep my skill set up
with the rise of the uber trooper with the easy way to get geat to do anything they need the humble airsofter or as i call them here FATKID HUNTING the average size of said persons are xxl to fuck me its a house wearing acu
the best thing i found for some of the uniforms is to stick it on my wife as she looks hot in multi cam
paul gallagher(Quote This Comment)
9 times out of 10 gear shops like Oakley,mechanix and those guys send deployed guys freebies for one reason. Product Placement. go on the DOD’s Media site. see how much gear you see and since those are public use images gear shops get them for free, then you have the “send us your pictures” folks
Nick O(Quote This Comment)
Funny thing is I actually do have a Tactical Checkbook Cover – LOL
I actually found myself in need of one because I used to live out of a backpack wile traveling around Iraq by Blackhawk from FOB to FOB.
In Iraq the only way to get cash is cashing a check at finance (or buying a .50 cent pack of gum at the PX and taking 20 bucks cash out over and over and over again) so I had to carry these paper leftovers from the 80’s around with me everywhere.
After a few checkbooks got mangled in my pack and admin pouch I actually found myself thinking “I could really use a 500D checkbook cover” – and even more oddly they actually had them for sale in the PX
But I bought this item because I needed one due to my mission – not because the gear manufacturer plastered “the CIA uses our Tactical Checkbook Cover in Columbia to cut checks for helicopters”
But it is strange the sort of kit you end up requiring for a mission that you would have never imaged you would need in a war zone.
~James G
James G(Quote This Comment)
i hate kittens and tactical gear. id kick them both!
tomahawk
tomahawk(Quote This Comment)
I call BS – you have (or had) a bunch of Tactical shit
James G(Quote This Comment)
Had, now im into interior decorating, small dogs and house plants.
tomahawk
tomahawk(Quote This Comment)
Sweet!
~James G
James G(Quote This Comment)
It’s like that pantac shit.
Good for airsoft… Not for real life. But apparently:
http://www.pantacgear.com/public/home/1239961294_0.jpg
Firewalker(Quote This Comment)
i don’t know, i think “Ninjas use our shit while killing communists in North Korea” would be an awesome tagline in an ad. Picture with a couple of off-duty ninjas playing cards and drinking sake, sharpening their climbing spikes. NK would probably issue some crazy press release denying the existence of ninjas and also claiming to have captured dozens of them.
thephil(Quote This Comment)
thephil:
LMFAO – you da MAN~
Slobyskya Rotchakokov(Quote This Comment)
In defense of us lowly civilians. I am ex Army. When all you got was LBE . I am not nor ever was some secret squirrel. Now days I am as fast as roadkill. So. Ever use the hunting gear available? The bow hunter pajamas they call camo? Sucks! So yeah . I buy tactical gear from recommended companies that is durable. Not trendy. Think Multi cam is gay? Wearing neon orange while hunting is gay!
Mike91A(Quote This Comment)
Dammit James if you refuse to buy multicam, the terrorists win. That’s on you.
Corsair8X(Quote This Comment)
The SF guys I know like North Face, Carhartt, etc. Oh sh*t! If I now see a Carhartt ad that says “used by SF in Afghanistan” I’M GOING TO KICK A KITTEN!!!
Tahoma(Quote This Comment)
Great article!
I love the humor sense you have here in DVM.
Last time i went to the shooting range i saw two policemen wearing all the new shining 5.11 gear… underpants included!!!
Alexsfl(Quote This Comment)
Face it, it sells. Just because a piece of gear is issued does not mean it is a good piece of gear or liked by those who are force to carry (at least sign for it). And just because one guy carries it does not mean it is issued. Just like if you have one guy in a class from a particular agency, it does not mean that your trained that agency. Just one guy talking- George
George Matheis(Quote This Comment)
NEW JERSEY. I work the ghetto in dirty jersey didn’t think it made me a “operator” F’n Awesome !
beatnik(Quote This Comment)
James, please spare the kitten!! lol
Okay, will have to take a pic of this next time I’m in the store, but went shopping yesterday and stopped by a mil-surplus place and it had all sorts of tacti-cool crap. One thing that I laughed myself silly with, and thought of it again when I read this article, was a “Tactical Sports Bra” in multi-cam that the label card said “Used by Special Forces and US Navy SEALS in Iraq and Afghanistan”.
WTF???? Okay, to my knowledge there are no female operators who have gone through SF selection or BUD/s. I woudln’t think that GI Jane or a female intel officer assigned to a unit on temporary duty would count. Soooooo…c’mon guys, fess up…who uses a multicam tactical sports bra to hold your man boobs?
Tigger(Quote This Comment)
Multiple choice -
1. The newest phase of “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell”
2. They are being used by an ultra elite group of SEALS who cross dress to get into the local harems and gain intel; their motto -
“It takes BALLS to wear OUR Burkas!”
3. Some effing idiot ad writer had already started his Friday afternoon drug and liquor indulgence early and the big boss gave him one more assignment before he could leave, so thirty seconds later…
Slobyskya Rotchikokov(Quote This Comment)
@Slobyskya
lmfao!! It’s probably #3, but they’re all funny as hell. I can’t decide between the other two which I like best.
Can’t help but think that if I actually bought the stupid thing I’d end up getting busted as a different type of “operator”. Then again, multi-cam is so mall ninja tacti-cool compared to the ‘other’ sports bras with gray and pink urban camo. lmao.
Tigger(Quote This Comment)
Hello,
Recently I saw a featured article on tactical pens. I do not remember the magazine but it was eighter a guns or knives mag. I saw that Steve Ryan (Surefire) had a tactical pen out that looks like it can spring out three prongs fom whrer the writing portion of the pen would be. can anyone help me in trying to get the name of the pen or if Mr. Ryan has an website for his items other than Surefire. Thank you
Gil Gonz(Quote This Comment)
SF guys are professionals. They know how to use and care for their equipment, tactical or not.
If they’d want to really impress me, prove to me it’ll hold up to a bunch of teenage boy scouts over a Summer camp or a back country trek.
CREWADV(Quote This Comment)
I live in Killeen Texas, right outside Ft. Hood Army base. What really gets my goat about all this SF gear and such, is that the young Soldiers come here and see that stuff and get talked into buying tons of it by high pressure sales people who talk the same line of trash about how it was invented by “Green Berets” and field tested in BFE . The average price for some of this stuff is between $200 and $600 ! Now, I dont know what an E-4 makes these days, but I sure as hell couldnt afford stuff like that when I was in the service. Those young troops need to be given a deep discount.
curt(Quote This Comment)
Just when you think you’ve seen every crazy ” tactical ” POS pice of gear imaginable, here comes something new. I just found a ” tactical spork ” . First of all, the concept is nuts. I remember getting a spork in the box from KFC years ago. And, we’re talking early- to mid- 70s. So, it’s not new. Secon, this new device is also a keyring. It can be used as a wrench. The ad says that it’s titanium. Yes, I said ” titanium ” . And, to make matters worse, it’s sold by Columbia River Knife & Tool. I thought they were into selling useful, quality edged tools. Just when I’d thought things were really silly, this just sent me off the rails. A titanium tactical spork/keyring/wrench. Oh… my… god. I’m just about as low-speed high drag as it gets, as well as being a gear whore ( honesty factor jumping in here ) , but even I’m not stupid enough to waste my money on something that useless.
Jeff(Quote This Comment)