MILITARY: Angry Chow Hall Sergeants

Every army chow hall Sergeant in iraq

If you have ever been deployed to the Middle East you are probably familiar with the angry Sergeant found in every Chow Hall in-country. This winner is also known as the “Chow Hall Sergeant Ass-Hole” Militarous Douchebagnus.

This Mr. Angry, tough guy, FOBBIT Douchebag is easily recognized as he will be only military guy standing still (oddly almost at parade rest) either at the front of the chow hall starring down everyone in line or in the rear making sure that no-one dares take more than 2 sodas out.

This guy is probably one of the angriest people on a FOB – He is incapable of doing simple civilized human things like being polite to people (but he will run behind a general waiting to catch a turd) or saying hello back to someone (the Angry Chow Hall Sergeant is the master of the “Angry Chin Nod” hello response).

The reason for his anger is unknown, perhaps it is the fact he scored a 22 on his ASVAB, or possibly because he was given this valiant duty after getting his 3rd DUI.

When not in the Chow Hall you can find this warrior in the gym getting pumped-up and doing body shots of mussel milk off of another FOBBIT (while still maintaining the “I am angry” look)

The “Chow Hall Sergeant also has a secondary duty between harassing soldiers who just came in from combat in the Red Zone (for extremely important things like taking more than one to-go box) and rudely bossing TCN’s around.

What is this Combat Action Badge worthy duty you ask?

Printing up poorly written signs and posting dozens of them all around the chow hall with important rules like “Do NOT change the channel on the TV!” and other life saving pieces of information.

Apparently CAPITAL LETTERS, Bold, Explanation Marks are mandatory for any sign in the Chow Hall.

Somehow the Chow Hall Sergeant manages to do all the above while still having enough time to spot people taking more than 2 packs of pop-tarts and conveniently spotting and correcting every “Chow Hall law” broken by an attractive woman (how else would he get women to pay attention to him?).

So watch your 6 in the DFAC folks and don’t even think about putting your sunglasses on your fucking head, the Chow Hall Sergeant is watching – Mr. Angry is his name and food is his game.

Get Some! Arrrrrg!

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~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and stuffing his 5.11’s with 5 Rip-It’s wile looking out for the Chow Hall Sergeant.

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18 thoughts on “MILITARY: Angry Chow Hall Sergeants”

  1. So I’m guessing you had a run in with one then
    Here in the uk the site I’m doing security for has a health and saftey man like that’s an arse to boot
    Best way to deal with him is to play him at his own game I drowned the arse in health and saftey around my site shut him right up

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  2. So you’ve been to B.I.A.P. then.

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  3. I think i know that guy. somehow he was on EVERY fob, maybe there is some kind of crazy secondary MOS training we have never heard of, a special branch of Delta perhaps.

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    1. He’s ( most likely some E-7 with 18 years in ) angry because he can’t find a tactical MKT in HSLD ninja black, with a Parkerized spoon.

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  4. Why do I get the mental image of Frank Burns when I read this…

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  5. Holy shit, I think I peed my pants laughing so hard! Either that, or it’s just condensation from the third can of Dr. Pepper that I had shove down in my crotch to sneak it out of the DFAC! I always tried to go to chow with our TCNs, those Indians were PROS at smuggling chow out of the DFAC.

    As despisable as the “Chow Hall Sergeant” is, he’s not quite as pathetic as the E-6 who stands armed guard at the Haji shop to make sure no one shoplifts all those pirated DVDs…

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  6. I saw one of these guys chew out a private at a DFAC at the Ireland ACH (Ft. Knox) once. The crime worthy of a five minute shouting stream (which the private just stood there and took unflinching like the biggest fucking champ ever)?

    He accidentally dropped his beret on one of the chow stations.

    Five minutes of non-stop yelling… For dropping a beret.

    Needless to say, karma kicked in and sargey tripped spilling his breakfast all over himself… Now that 10 minute tirade of curse words was worth sitting around and hearing!

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  7. Dead ON!
    FOB Prosperity, LSA Anaconda/JBB Balad (East Side)…
    Test Bed subject for the Upcoming ‘Clone Wars’?
    “Ain’t hardly worth going to war, no more.” ‘GarretTrooper’ Barry Sadler.
    Rich J.
    Baghdad

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  8. God forbid you ever put your hat on the table. ACHS runs from one end of the hall to the other and zeros in on you like a TOW. I would think he incorporates a couple flips and back handsprings in there in a real hat on table emergency. Did anyone else ever notice its usually a E7?

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  9. I think I’ve found the perfect thing to make James G. morph into Mr. Angry – courtesy of Soldier Systems, the gayest multicam on the market – http://rivetart.com/get_product?i_item=2026

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  10. This piece is so funny…and so true!!!

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  11. I’ve seen it all in 27 years in the Army, USAR and NG, and now as a contractor.

    How ’bout that cook who says to u at the only chow hall for miles ‘if you don’t like it, go eat somewhere else!’ (Schofield Bks, 3/4 Cav).

    Or the one who scres up the omelette and tells the NCO in line to move to the back of the line if he wants another, done right! (Coleman Bks, Ger).

    Or the one who tells the private that he can only get scrambled eggs, buts rushes for eggs when the W-2 wants over-easy.

    And then the one who refused to serve the guy just back from patrol, and ran to the DFAC before it closed, and was refused chow because he didn’t have his soft cap? (OIFIII, FOB Marez, IQ).

    It’s all there. Turd Gods of the DFAC.

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  12. Back in 2004 I had one these CHOW HALL nazis ask me one time while standing in line “What kinda of gun is that?”. Yes he said gun.

    Me:” Its a M249″.
    Douche bag:”Why is it so tiny?”
    Me:”It has a short barrel and collapsible butt stock.”
    Douche bag:”Why?”
    Me:” You don’t go into the city much do ya Sergeant.
    Douche bag: “Do push ups specialist!”
    My PL:”Staff Sergeant don’t harass my guy.”

    The point is, every conflict has these guys who feel the need to act like their doing something. For some reason they take it out on the real combat troops. Im sure Vets from every conflict have very similar stories. Whatever at least MRE’s aren’t packed full of curry.

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  13. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. BTDT. When I was in the IZ it was a 1300m trek to the chow hall (one way). During the summer months I managed to smuggle out enough chow that I only had to go twice a day and one day a week, I didn’t go at all. (Man, I ate a lot of cereal and breakfast bars). The ACHS only caught me a couple of times.

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  14. In early ’07 my PSd team had to take our Principal to a meeting at Camp Ramadi. With the except of two, the rest of us made our way to the DFAC. After awhile some ass-clown came over and told us to take our sunglasses off our heads. I asked him, “What for?” The idiot said: “Because those are the rules, and if you don’t like it you can leave.” We all just laughed at the guy, and he ran off pissed shaking his head.

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  15. VBC Sports Oasis DFAC, 2008:

    1. Rules Posted: NO RUNNING IN THE DFAC!!!
    2. MNC-I Commander enters the DFAC with the MNC-I CSM. “At Ease” is announced.
    3. DFAC NCO sprints full speed up the chow line to meet the Commander.
    4. DFAC NCO eats shit in full view of the Command group, and CSM.
    5. In full view of the entire facility, MNC-I CSM verbally destroys the NCO (E7) for violating his own no running rule, creating a safety hazard, setting a poor example for the young soldiers, etc.
    6. Snickers and giggle abound within the DFAC.
    7. No running signs mysteriously disappear the following day.

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    1. Wow, f**king incredible lol, a truely epic moment seen only in a FOB DEFAC, sounds like FOB Marez/LSA Diamondback

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  16. Interesting to see the parallel between Ops food & Filmcrew chow lines here in Hollywood.
    We have “types” that gripe in line and we tear them a new one. Only in Hollywood do you have “F” Types that complain while being served gourmet. Only in the film biz can you get away with telling someone to shut the F up and not get sent to anger management class.

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