Dinner Buffet for Civilian Contractors – A Big Fat Steaming Pile of Gold and Diamond Shit
Supervisor: “Hey, Unicorns Are Real”
Contractor: “Yes Sir, And Majestic Creatures They Are”
The above may be a bit of an exaggeration when it comes to working as a Civilian Contractor – but unfortunately it is not far from the truth. One of the hardest things for new guys to deal with when they enter the Civilian Contracting world is excepting all of the illogical things you are told or asked to do without arguing them.
For those of you who have never worked as a Civilian Contractor you are probably not familiar with the nonsense you are expected to accept with a smile on your face. And unlike “normal” jobs where you can point out inaccurate information or suggest a way to improve a failed way of doing things – In Contracting if you argue or try to change things it is considered “bad”.
“Bad” as in you are now a trouble-maker and your next stop is the Civilian Contractor equivalent of being transferred to an Alaskan Radar Station, usually the Civilian Contractor Alaskan Radar Station is the most miserable post/job on the contract.
Think going from a cake gig working in a nice AC’d Tactical Operations Center one day to standing at an Entry Control Point in 130 degree heat wearing full Battle-Rattle and working 12 hour shifts on the ass-end of base the next day.
And all this just because you kept harping on management that they should issue IFAK’s to everyone instead of just Team Leaders, you even wrote up an email with a proposal and sent it to the in-country manager when mid-level management shot down your idea.
Yep, even if your argument makes sense you will become “that guy” to management.
During my 10 years [and counting] in Civilian Contracting I have heard shit spewed out by management so ridiculous that you would probably not even believe it.
Some of my favorites are:
“An AK-47 will accurately go out to 400 meters with the ex-soviet bloc surplus ammo we issue”
“You don’t need armor on the roof of your car, only on the bottom and sides”
Now most of the time the stupid shit you are supposed to bite your tongue about is not something that could get you killed like in the above examples, they tend to run somewhere between the “Are you serious?” and “Really?” realm of WTF.
Another Example: “You must submit your leave flight arrangement request 8 weeks before your requested leave date or you will not be compensated for your flight, then you must submit your leave request 4 weeks in advance of your requested leave date, be aware if you cancel your flight you will be responsible for the cancellation fee”
So that basically means you have to get your plane ticket 2 months before you go on leave, but you will not know if your leave dates were approved for another month – and if your leave is not approved then you will have to pay a 100 dollar flight cancelation fee”
Yes, that is really a leave policy with one PMC in Iraq
So Why is Contracting Like This?
Honestly I don’t know – But over the years I have come up with 5 theory’s:
1) Most mid-level managers on contracts are straight-up fucking lazy.
So when you point out something that could be changed but would require some actual work on their part they would rather get rid of you than do that work [hey – the PX won’t sell DVD’s on its own].
2) Most mid-level managers on contracts are straight-up fucking incompetent morons
These guys have “Yes Man” their way into a mid-level management position that they do not have the intellectual ability to actually do. So by pointing out something they should have fixed, you are basically telling them they made a mistake that is so obvious even a guy who has only been on the contract for 3 days saw it.
So their retard survival instinct kicks into self-preservation mode = they better discredit you by telling upper-management that you are a problem child or put you so far out of the way you can’t make them look bad anymore.
3) The “It Has Always Been Done This Way and Anyone Who Questions it is a Troublemaker” Theory
This way of thinking is especially prevalent in [some] ex-mil contractors. They hold onto this “NEVER DARE TO QUESTION AUTHORITY” train of thinking like their house will explode if they think outside of the box.
I have seen this every day for the past 10 years of working with the Military, any soldier who dares to speak up about a problem is immediately branded with a red-hot “troublemaker” iron.
This is where the phrase “Offline” came from in the Army, as in “We will discuss that offline Corporal” – This is usually said by an Officer or Senior NCO when a low ranking soldier openly questions a stupid policy/order/unnecessarily dangerous mission in front of higher ranking people.
If your comment actually made logical sense you might as well throw your military career for the next 6 months in the toilet.
4) The Manager Has a Small Penis
Because these guys have a tiny wiener they can’t deal with anyone questioning them because in their mind you are somehow challenging them when all you wanted to do was improve things.
The usual response to someone pointing out illogical shit is acting like an insecure Asshole who was beaten up in high school by the cool kids.
You can usually find these douchebags in the gym getting “buff” because they think if they become disgustingly big; girls will like them.
5) They Are “Turd Catchers”
These people follow around anyone who is in a position higher than them all day long hunched over with their hands in a cup waiting for a turd to fall out so they can catch it and possible get “kudos” or a promotion.
So if you question something that could make them look bad you are manning a Civilian Contractor Alaskan Radar Station before the ink on your transfer paperwork is dry.
In the civilian world they are simply called “ass-kissers”
So What to Do?
Simple, just say “ok” and collect your paycheck. Seriously as long as it isn’t something that could get someone hurt then who really gives a shit? You are a Civilian Contractor pretty much for one reason – Money.
Due to the transient nature of working as a Civilian Contractor why would you make things miserable for yourself when it is not necessary? Hell, in 8 months you will be on another contract anyway.
I have seen guys literally give themselves ulcers trying to change things on contracts, I know one guy who stressed himself out over stupid shit so much he actually had a stroke. Seriously, no job is worth your health and sanity.
Especially when you can’t change anything. Did I forget to mention that? Yes, you cannot change the way things are done on contracts – Period.
And even if you could – why would you spend months stressing and fighting to change some stupid policy on a contract when by all likelihood you will be on a totally different job for a totally different contractor in 8 months?
This is one of the reasons why so many guys “ring the bell” within the first few months of working as a Civilian Contractor or are constantly angry and miserable for a year when they could just chill and get paid.
Personally I can’t stand working with theses “this is Bullshit, that is Bullshit, things need to change around here” Civilian Contractor Greenhorn types [90% of people like this are new to the Civilian Contractor racket]. Their constant crying about “how things are fucked up on this contract;” makes me want to stab them.
So if you are they type that cannot say “sure, ok boss” and keep getting paid when faced with immensely illogical things that are being presented to you – then you may want to reconsider pursuing a career in Civilian Contracting.
If you are a Civilian Contractor who is constantly stressing about stupid shit on your contract then take a chill pill because you are making everyone else on the contract who is just trying to pay off their credit cards miserable.
Or fuck it, keep trying to change shit that doesn’t matter – I will toss you a RipIt when my convoy goes through your ECP.
—————————————————————————————
~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief
James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and laughing all the way to the bank. James G. on FACEBOOK
Rip-its…..yummmm.
Brannon(Quote This Comment)
Pretty much sounds like the army from a soldiers perspective if you ask me, just substitute your supervisors to moron officers. I tell you,
Supervisor: “Hey, Unicorns Are Real”
Contractor: “Yes Sir, And Majestic Creatures They Are”…could’ve come straight of my last stint. I suspect it has to do with certain officers/supervisors being less than amply rewarded in the brain-area.
There’s a reason we call it “the suck”.
Officer: “You don’t need NVGs, you’re mechanized! You ride IFVs and kill people with that!”
Me: “But sir, what happens when we enter a building at night? Or when we have to clear a basement?”
Officer: “Use your weapon-light! I’ll show you!” *shows me his nice Surefire*
Me: “Sir, that’s great, but we don’t have weapon-lights.”
Officer: “Then use your flashlights!”
Me: “That’d be great, sir, but we don’t have any batteries for them…you told us they weren’t necessary now that we’re getting NVGs……”
The supreme levels of retardation that occurs when men and weapons collide. I swear to G-d, some of the fuck-tards that got released from our academy wouldn’t be allowed to run a public bathroom in the real world.
[Not saying all officers are retards but you always remember the crap one's best]
Lew(Quote This Comment)
I only had one Contract like that With a three letter Acronym starting with S ! It was one where they didn’t issue PPE for over a month in Iraq in the beginning of 10. I had been doing it without a word ,Then I met my Boss the first thing he said is that is the wrong color hat by the way I was hired as a trainer of Ugandan’s and an AK/ Glock Armourer! Pay Bump would happen in country via a hand shake in Chi town!
My next word to him was the next thing you need to ask is Window or Isle ! He himmmed and hawed I was amused then he defused the situation but reassigned me because I have a Clearance ! WTF I told Him my issues and he corrected all but the weapon one ! I was OK doing my Job for a first contract former Army Specialist missile artillery Kid . Damn His DD 214 looked like a 20 year vets ! I spent 15 years in the Army and Marines and all my DD214 put together could match his shit. He said any school 40 hours or longer were written up on it ! We had to keep our certificates and it was written up on our 201 File or SRB, didn’t cut the mustard for the DD214 ! I still have them all..
Finally after 4 months of Clown rookieism ,I left all of a sudden “My family had issues” I had to leave … 5 years doing it LOL , all they wanted was the cheapest fucks they could get we were actually getting Vietnam Vets who were Wal Mart Guards ! One of them had left over Kill cards with him .
Anyways I learned never take a Contract because you need a Job . do not tell my wife ! Since then I The have only taken ones with skilled Operators! The same company fired a guy just because while he was taking a report on a Rocket impact he turned gave a Brit his MBED to write something turned back and put it in His pouch !Our Ally They fired both ! Fuck S**
Much Love
swordpoint9(Quote This Comment)
The kill card guy Brought them to VBC ( It was a Static Security GIG !)
swordpoint9(Quote This Comment)
either swordpoint9 or I have had too much eggnog. I’m not sure who. might be both.
MRC(Quote This Comment)
Yes, CheckPoint17 for 10 months INCLUDING Two Summers! Whoo-Hoo, it’s DAMN hot out here! With the Freakin’ UK Embassy’s CRAM sensitivity set to: ‘Starving sparrow’. [Or every SINGLE BW helo that flies over set it off]. Those WERE the days….!
Merry Christmas from ‘somewhere near the 14 July Roundabout’ [Cue the Man From U.N.C.L.E. theme song].
Rich Johns
“It’s NOT weird, it’s JUST Iraq….”
Rich Johns(Quote This Comment)
No just relating an Idiot Contract story , Sorry maybe I misunderstand! Can you be more Clear?
Maybe a little beer LOL!
Reread ,Sorry bad punctuation ! I rushed it without proof reading it ! MRC I understand !
swordpoint9(Quote This Comment)
Umm, I think it was simple. Shut the fuck up private and deal with it. You know things like the chow is late, the chow is cold, I need sleep..ect. Yes private go see the LT. then you laugh and walk away thinking son your world is about to take a turn for the worse when the LT gets done with you! I dont get when those that get work over there whine and bitch when there are a lot of us would stand a tower for 12s and just get on with it??
Kris(Quote This Comment)
HA, I love it James. This is your first article about Iraq that kind of makes me miss it. I always chuckled and laughed when guys would freak themselves out over all of it. I always told them that they aren’t stationed here, if they don’t like it leave. Otherwise, go to the PX get some summer’s eve, wash the sand out of you vag and get over it.
I was a bit of a troublemaker, but I got away with a lot of it. Because under my “so what to do” section I always had the trump card of saying “I am the only one here without a natural tan that has that capability to properly translate the language, so you go right ahead and stick me in the (insert radar station here) and tell the guys that sign the checks why they can’t speak to the people they need to speak with.” I didn’t get away with it all the time, but sometimes 12hrs in a crap shift is worth making someone look like the dumbass that they are.
However, I have always found that the usual way of getting away with being the troublemaker is to make yourself indispensable to the task at hand. And as big of morons as middle management can be, they do understand that it isn’t a good idea to shoot themselves in the foot.
Eugene(Quote This Comment)
The truth is, your analysis of middle and upper management is right on in much of corporate America. Watch “Office Space” for reference. I have a small business that contracts with GOV and the big contractors and am constantly amazed and bewildered at how utterly stupid the folks we deal with are.
Please keep up the great work you do here at DVM.
Happy Holidays to you.
Taylor(Quote This Comment)
I’ve encountered a large number of ass-backwards NCO’s as well. And they are worse because they think being an NCO makes it impossible for them to have any qualities that resemble a moronic officer. If you tell an officer he’s an idiot it’ll take him 3 weeks to find the paperwork to write you up and by then he’ll forget, but call an NCO out for being a ‘tard (especially if there are other NCO’s around) you’re in for a fun few hours of fun (and a “missing” promotion packet… as me how I know!)
I’m gonna guess that some of the reason that the Contracting world is full of this crap is that there is a strong presence of prior service folks in the field. The military’s bread and butter is chicken shit, and if that’s all you know it’s hard to shake even out of uniform. So it makes sense that they’d take it with them to their new career.
KB(Quote This Comment)
It’s no diff in the technical side, either. I work helicopter maintenance for a major contracting firm (they do security, training, ground maintenance, etc., too), and the mindset is the same. For instance, we receive 50% of per diem plus our pay. Over a weekend or authorized day off, you must work a minimum of 4 hours one of the days before or after and eight hours the other. So, one guy asked for the days we’ll be off over Xmas and was assured he could have 3. He buys tickets. Two days before, he is told it’ll be a-day-and-half. So if he takes the time off he was assured he would get previously, he loses not only pay, but 3 days per diem!
And this is in Germany, not down-range. You would think the company could beprescient enough, say, oh, at least 20 years out to schedule things over a major holiday like Christmas. Guess not.
Oh, and the excuse always is “It’s what the customer (US Army) wants.” Mind you, the customer has authorized a solid 5-day training holiday for its personnel.
And, not trying to be “That Guy,” but the proper word is ‘accepting,’ not ‘excepting.’ RGB
Ruppert Baird(Quote This Comment)
its real simple James; stay with the person you came with to the party.(everyone can relate to that) You knew what the party was like, so be happy and have a brief but active sexual relationship at best. The fact they never offered you a “rose garden” so why be offended or disappointed at the outcome. As a NOC I can say its about moving on as the activity unfolds. As my old Spetz friend would say “comrad, be happy in your work…it just work”
ken(Quote This Comment)
Errrrrrr… just eating it up and making the best of your situation or at a minimum don’t make other people miserable because you chose to work as a Civilian Contractor was the whole point of the article bro.
~JITW
James G.(Quote This Comment)
Seen some of that on active duty, more in the Reserves, and lots of it on the outside. The corporate world is full of that. I had a manager some years ago that would not answer a simple question. It amounted to
” What does ‘ X ‘ mean ” ? If we knew what ‘ X ‘ meant and why it was so important, it would make more sense. Never did get an answer out of him. Two months later, I went online and found the answer in all of 5 seconds or so. Next day I saw him , I said ” Oh, by the way. You remember when I asked you about ‘ X ‘ ? I found out that it had to do with ‘ Y ‘ . See ya ” . He was ticked, but since I made sure that everyone knew what it meant and how important it was ( leaving out our little exchange ) , he left me alone. Of course, our acility 2 years later, as a cost-cutting measure. This was so they could open up two more just like it. And this is saving money? If you’ve got a good gig, and have to eat the occasional excrement sandwich, shut up and chew. I mean, if the money’s good and the employment’s steady, just deal with it. As the Rangers say, FIDO.
‘ mean
Jeff(Quote This Comment)
James,
Once again, you’ve hit the nail on the head.
I agree wholeheartedly with you on numbers 1 and 2. My last Site Sup would definitely fall into both those categories, especially number 2! Thank God he was only one of two guys who had their own “wet” hooch, so I never had to know about #4!
Found out later that he had been Site Sup in the Green zone and had been “fired” by the DOS rep for “incompetence and mis-management”. So, what does “The Company” do? Give him the Site Sup job on a prestigious start-up contract. Reward bad behavior? Don’t these people ever watch The Dog Whisperer? Of course, he really screwed that up too. Had Expat’s leaving in droves. I don’t know how The Company can afford the turn-over!
I can definitely say “yes sir” and drive-on, but when the outright lies and dangerous situations got too bad, I had to leave. It’s not worth the paltry salery. Right now, all the private contracting companies are in a battle to the bottom, thanx to the Army’s stupid contracting policies. IMHO it’s really starting to affect personal safety and post security. Hopefully, when DOS, takes over things will get better. Yeah right.
Happy New Year!
Buckaroomedic(Quote This Comment)
Great Article James , I liked it a lot . Made me remember more Duchebag Contractors. We all make mistakes ,I think it is how we handle it! Do we blame others , Cry, or act like men ( If it is our fault we apologize move on if it is out of our pay grade We suck it up ) . Why make others miserable because we are . If it is that bad Just leave and go find another GIG ,To bitch about it while you work for the company only undermines your name on the Circuit !
swordpoint9(Quote This Comment)
There’s nothing quite like being deployed with a couple of dumbfucks that fuel each others fires by bitching about the dumb shit we have to do. Hey, it’s stupid but I just want to get it over with and get the fuck back. They bitch and wine and make my shitty deployment worse. I’m the kinda guy who just does it and shakes his head. If it isn’t going to get me killed, I’ll hammer it out and go drink my beer. Now I’m in Law Enforcement and it’s worse yet! I have the feeling that all I’m doing is fucking up Gods plan by protecting/rescuing the stupid and weak, thus allowing them to breed with each other and further weaken the human race. I think we should let Darwin do his job!
Tom McClelland(Quote This Comment)
Tom,
You are absolutely correct. !3 years on the streets and two combats zones have proven to me the truth of your wisdom. Thanks for the post…it had me laughing myself to tears. Stay safe!
Guy Cordle(Quote This Comment)