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CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: The “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebag

there is no crying in security contracting

The “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebag is one of the most pitiful breeds of the Contractorous Douchebagnus. This is a full grown man who despite working in a “tough guy” job as a security contractor in war zones acts like a hurt little puppy whenever someone is “rude” to him.

Just last week I had to run over and talk to one of the Team Leaders [let’s call him “Mr. Vag”] working on another camp about an upcoming mission. As soon as I walked into his hooch I knew he was one of the breeds of the Contractorous Douchebagnus just by the 13 water bottles of Copenhagen spit and dumbbells on his floor.

All I wanted to do was ask him a simple question and he immediately comes at me like I just called his whore mom a whore. If this happened back in the states I would have just walked away but one of the silly things about contracting is if you don’t bite back when someone pushes you it is somehow a sign of weakness.

Anyway, I basically had to jump on his shit and put him in his place. And like all bullies as soon as I pushed back he acted all apologetic and shit like “I” misunderstood him. So after wasting 15 minutes of my time passing on a message that should have taken 3 minutes I wandered back to my team room.

And less than 30 minutes later I got a call to come and see one of the PM’s [contract project managers]. Honestly I didn’t have any idea what it was about, but I did think it was strange because this particular PM really has nothing to do with my team.

So I scuttled over to this PM’s office and before I was even half-way in his door he starts going into a rant about how I should “respect other TL’s” and “act like a professional”.

The reason why there were not any “Run to Mommy” Contractorous Douchebagnus in the Vietnam war

Apparently Mr. Vag was so hurt by my standing up for myself he called this PM to complain that I hurt his feelings or something. So now I was looking like some sort of bully who barks at people for no reason.

Now if I was the ass-hole in this situation it wouldn’t have annoyed me so much, but considering that the other guy was the Douchebag here I was fucking furious. Luckily this particular PM was an Old School shooter and looter from back in the day so when I gave him the low-down he figured out what was really going on.

So there was another 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back, all because another grown ass man was too much of a wuss-bag to come and talk to me face-to-face when I hurt his feelings.

Back in the beginning days of contracting in Iraq you really didn’t run into too many of the “Run to Mommy” Contractorous Douchebagnus types because during this time most guys were just happy to be making a grand a day or they didn’t want to get left behind by their team if their Suburban got blasted.

But now because of the reduced salaries combined with the self entitled attitude of some of the older contractors along with all of the new green guys entering the business the “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebags are popping-up like rats.

These champs are pretty much what would happen if the hall monitor in grade school and a 12 year old girl had a kid who grew up and started injecting steroids because it “would make girls like him if he was buff”.

I mean come on, a grown man who tattle-tales on people

Really? – Like that?


~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and Plotting his revenge. James G. on FACEBOOK


  1. SOC was full of them in 09 ! I just left and chilled with an Afghan Company ,I see it more prevalent in US based companies . I do not know why or how it changer from 05-06 ? anyone have a thought ?

  2. My best guess is like I said – because of the reduced salaries combined with the self entitled attitude of some of the older contractors along with all of the new green guys entering the business the “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebags are popping-up like rats.

    ~James G.

    • After thinking about this article I decided that referring to these POS’s as douchebags was a bit off. After all, a douchebag serves a vital purpose as to the continued personal hygiene of the female of the species. If you really see the need to come up with a name for them, other than, ” Hey, dickhead ” , I would suggest ‘ bullet trap ‘ or maybe ‘ clearing barrel ‘ That way, they have a reason for existence.

  3. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head as bad as the wanna be Contractors used to be ! The guy in Wal-Mart wearing a Blackwater hat or T shirt LOL!

  4. The green guys did drive down Pay Like a Mother fucker I did the math SOC payed about 10 dollars an hour after your forced Insurance ! LOL I jetted quick !

  5. It aint just PSC’s. We got those sissy bitches in regular life too. At my previous company, we had one of these, we’ll call him “Powertrippanus Douchebagemous”

  6. While individuals are aways responible for their personal behaviour it would not hurt for the PMC’s to actually vet their people. Instead many of them are only worried about filling their rosters. The result is we get stuck working with people who have no businness being a WalMart greeter…much less an armed contractor in a (sometimes) hostile enviroment. And yes, the cry sissy whiners are ever increasing. I agree with james..we woulda fragged them in ’07…..maybe we still should!!!! Just my two cents. Stay safe shooters!

  7. The increase in Douchebags in overall society is up. I blame women for raising up an entire generation of weak men who will talk/hug it out and cry with you later, then men who will punch you in the mouth and drink your beer.

    OSMs(Old School Men) are dying out quick and being replaced with sissys who are a 1/2 step from putting a cock in their mouth.

    • THANK YOU! If I said this out loud at my PD I’d be suspended for failing to support, unwanted conduct and who knows what else to placate the pc minions.

  8. It is all the politically correct bull crap that has been fed to the younger generation over the past 25 years. You simply can’t speak directly to some lazy, entitled, asshole without them whining to someone who can make your job much harder.

    • Damn hit the nail right on the head, after all it takes about 25 years to change a culture here’s the change.

      • I think cultures with access to technology, education, and freedom can change much faster than 25 years. This might explain why I am hearing experts say Afghanistan will take 100 years to change. WINNING <— latest western cultural impact thanks to tech.

  9. I blame all the so called real men who left chicks after having kids thus making these chicks rais there little boys as chicks with dinks. I’m 40 years old and grew up when parents were still able to crack an ass, break a neck or just about knock your teeth out for doing stupid crap. Its all the no kid left behind, give timmy another chance so he dont have hurt feelings, give Bobby another out at the plate so he dont cry in the dug out Douchebags that make this “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebags happen.

    • Sorry for any bad spelling hit submit before proof reading!!!

    • Well said!!!!

  10. SOC was full of them in 09 ! I just left and chilled with an Afghan Company ,I see it more prevalent in US based companies . I do not know why or how it changer from 05-06 ? anyone have a thought ?  

    The Army cited video games, but beyond that I have no clue, on that note, maybe something to do with a changing culture if you really wanted to get into all that demo-graphical shit

  11. I have a couple little bitches like this at my Prison, grown ass men, who would rather drop a whiney ass email than confront you face to face…

  12. Was the grenade picture’s caption a Max Cleland joke? If so well played.

  13. The whole tattle-tale thing is what everyone’s encouraged to do by the human resources pussies and teachers. God forbid that you actually confront someone over something that bothers you in a face to face situation and come to a conclusion.

    The PC pussies have trained this new generation to never confront anyone and always run and tell the teacher (or manager) and “document” when something happens. Just look at how jacked up and completely out of wack the sexual harassment policies are in most companies today. They’ve succeeded in pussifing entire blocks of American society. How sad.

  14. Yeah I know of this kind of Douchebag at the prison I work at, they can talk all the crap to you but once you give it back they cry!

  15. …would not hurt for the PMC’s to actually vet their people…many…are only worried about filling their rosters…

    Not much diff in the non-security side. I see it as an aviation maintenance contractor all the time. Sadly, instead of doing what’s necessary (paperwork to ditch these buffoons) they slough them off to an outlying sublocation, or just bear w/them till their contract expires (annually). Then, down the road someone unfamiliar at corporate HQ hires them back and they show back up! Amazing.

  16. ….. Outstanding bit as usual …… Keep ’em cpming …..

  17. My favorite was (from one the biggest tools I ever met): “He didn’t stop what he was doing and follow my orders immediately.” Douchebag walked up to me while I was in the middle of a cut with a powersaw (on my day “off”) and said “Come with me.” My reply was, “Just a minute, I’ll be right with you.” (you know like after I remove the saw and turn it off?) And for that he wanted to charge insubordination. Some people are just soooo insecure. I guess his mommy never loved him. He was also known for wearing his old ratty faded SF t-shirt OUTSIDE of his sweathshirt in cold weather and carrying TWO sheath knives, at least one folding knife AND an ASP baton… while on the FOB. Said nut job reputedly pulled a knife on a fellow SF team member on a reserve deployment to the Balkans… had it taken away from him and his ass kicked. Hence his propensity for carrying “backups.” Douche screwed around on his wife while at Bragg, gave out his real name, and “girlfriend” ended up ringing his doorbell and meeting the “wife.” Yeah. And, oh, did I forget to mention he always talked with a toothpick in his mouth? You can’t make this shit up. I think he’s back in the sandbox… Some of you lucky SOBs probably work with him

  18. What’s really sad is that too many of these clowns don’t think about the reaction to their action. If I have to shut down one of these idiots for giving me grief, he/she runs to his/her supervisor. That person has to stop what they’re doing, come find me, and get my side of the story. Then, they have to go find the idiot and straighten him/her out. There goes at least 30 minutes that we won’t get back, all because some jerkweed ran out of Desitin or A & D ointment. Clowns like that give every hard worker a bad name

  19. I am reading a lot about some contractors who just don’t belong doing the job that they are doing. I shake my head as I read this because I have 9 years of Marine Corps experinece and 22 years of federal law enforcment. Much of my federal law enforcement career (which I am still active) has SORT (SWAT) experience and Federal Witness Protection Program experinece. With all that said, I am not getting any replies from 30+ applications that I have completed or a few companies said I wasn’t qualified. So how it is that these Contractorous Douchebagnus are getting hired and I am not even getting a call or interview????

  20. As a former Fed I can tell you , very similar resumes sounds like ! I got lucky on an ICITAP gig in Iraq a lot of cops weren’t going because the war heated up in 03 . Until you prove yourself on your first gig and word spreads on the Circuit . You will probably have to settle for a low pay GIG! By the way ICITAP only uses state and Local Cops now and they have lots of CV’s with it being so calm now ! Like I said Good Luck ..

    • Thanks for the info. I was offered a job in Kuwait for $80k working 72 hours a week. I told the lady that I make $80k now working 40 hours a week and I go home every night.

      Maybe I am thinking too high, but if I am going to be away from home for an extended time, especially in a war zone, I would think that a starting salary should be about $115k. Otherwise, I can just keep working for the feds for another 7 years!

      Thanks again!

      • Thanks for the post. I have usually ntcioed that many people are eager to lose weight since they wish to look slim along with attractive. On the other hand, they do not always realize that there are other benefits for you to losing weight also. Doctors declare that obese people suffer from a variety of health conditions that can be directly attributed to their particular excess weight. Thankfully that people that are overweight along with suffering from different diseases are able to reduce the severity of the illnesses by way of losing weight. You are able to see a continuous but noticeable improvement in health when even a minor amount of weight-loss is attained.

  21. That used to be starting until a few companies started hiring That is another reason for the run to Wal-Mart guards , Ugandans and really old guys were talking above 65 and fresh out of the military 4 year wonders. It brought the salaries down ! Now I just wait for my Gigs or take them from the “Circuit” word of mouth !Great Luck in what you choose to do Lenny …

  22. Wow what happened to my paragraph ?

    • What paragraph bro?

      ~James G

      • The one right above I am sure it got all jumbled by me just can’t figure it out LOL ! I will leave it as a testament to my great typing skill….. Legend and Epic !

  23. It’s the women… (creating the testosterone free males). Cruise through farcebook some time and look at the bitchbloggers postings. They think they are conservatives but support the big government doing everything and giving them what no man will because no self respecting man will put up with them. Their friends see them as independent, thinking they dont NEED a man instead of being rejected, so they emulate them and then they get burned and become bitter, so they raise their sons to be whiny little pussies and society suffers over all. Lets face it my BROTHERS at Arms, there is a reason no MATRIARCHAL society has ever survived. The women couldn’t take each others whining and bitching and killed each other off. We being men just get it done and over with and move on. Freud called it Penis envy. Modern women call it PMS. In reality it’s just being a damned bitch… one of the most politically incorrect guy’s I know may just have it right, his philosophy is women are just a life support system for a pussy…

  24. Right on nectoxicdragon, I like your thinking bro!!!!!!! Bitches!

  25. Bitches (females only good for fucking …) Male bitches should be sorted at a young age ,and ridiculed and picked on until they get their Minds right !

  26. Another great article James! I have on more than one occasion had to bite back only to see the bully get apologetic and cry to management. Not a shortage of these narcissistic personalities in the corporate world.

  27. The only problem with this article is that the intended group of pussies will never read it, nor never apply it.

  28. C’mon guys.. You’re hurting my feeling with all of the hate and discontent on here. It is a sad yet true fact that the contracting world is falling apart from the days when men were allowed to be men, and boys were sent home to the mothers they cry for. Personally… I think its a Damn Greek tragedy the way things have turned out lately. That PM in the article is the same type of guy who tells you he can’t talk about his time in the military, because it’s all ‘classified’ I raise the bullshit flag all day on ass clowns like that. The only thing people guys like that keep classified is the fact that they smoke pole on a regular basis.
    Sorry for the rant, but this one hit home. Very good article.. Keep them coming, and “stay thirsty my friends”.

  29. Jim,

    I concur 110% with your article. When I started back in 04 back in the “wild west days” of contracting there were a bunch of wannabees that thought the PMC world was like a video game. The most memerable to me was this one guy that showed up to CRC with all kinds of wazzu crap and a jacket like something from the Matrix movie. We got in country flew from Ali Ah Saleem in Kuwait to Al-Assholia (Al-Asad) when the bird touched down and taxied to the drop point some IDF came in as we were debarking from the bird and this Matrix wannabee said this and I qoute “I didn’t know it was gonna be like this” grabbed his bag and got right back on the bird and wouldn’t get back off it as we all headed to bunkers. To the Wannabees DON’T BE A LIABILITY TO REAL PMC’S, STAY AT HOME IN YOUR MOTHERS BASEMENT AND PLAY YOUR GD VIDEO GAMES AND LET THE REAL MEN DO THE WORK AND GET THE JOB DONE!!!!!!

  30. I know the breed well. I was in country in Nov 03 and back then you knew you were amongst professionals. As for me- I was just a SWAT cop amongst former Delta and SF guys, old timers, and I did what I needed to do which was shut up and listen/learn from those around me. Fast forward to late 05 and now the bigger companies are taking in guys who did 4 years in a 92Y slot who bitched and whined more than a premenstrual nun. Being a small company we were able to avoid this by only hiring through word of mouth but seeing what some of my buddies in the big 3 went through… let’s just leave it at I don’t condone what Danny Fitz did but I DO understand

  31. It’s a damn shame that a ” man ” takes a job in some Third/Fourth/Fifth World that requires some actual thought, as well as an old-fashioned
    ” sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and listen ” attitude. When you go somewhere and you have zero experience, your best bet is to find the guys who have been on the job for years, and use them for a real-life school. Talk to them, pick their brains, ask them every question you can about the job. Maybe that way, you won’t be a hazard to the other guys on the team. I’ve never seen action, but it seems to me that that’s the way to go. By the way, guys like Mr. Wayne and Mr. Marvin aren’t ” old-school ” . They came before that, so they must be ” Pre-school ” .

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