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COMMENTARY: I Swear if I Hear Another Person say “I Didn’t Quit BUDS/SF Selection”

COMMENTARY: I Swear if I Hear Another Person say “I Didn’t Quit BUDS/SF Selection – I Had to Drop out Because of an Injury” I am Going to Kick a Kitten in the Head

You know you rang that bell with tears streaming from you eyes – Stop telling people you “had an Injury”, no one believes you

I was at the PX grabbing some shit I don’t need when I ran into some buddies who work for another contractor. This particular contractor is somewhat known for “warm body recruiting”. We all sat down over a lukewarm coffee when a couple of their less than high-speed coworkers sat down.

Of what is a tradition in contracting, everyone did the usual dick-measuring contest where guys start asking each other about their backgrounds. I sat back and waited for the standard responses that usually vary from “I was in the Army” to “I rescued white women from dragons back when I was in a SCUBA K9 unit” to my response of “just contracting bro” [that always receives the most bewildering looks].

That is when one of the guys came out with one of my favorite cockamamie lines: The “I went through BUDS/SF Selection but I had to drop out because of an “injury” line. I swear I have heard that one at least 100 times over my lengthy Contracting and EP career.

By my count [and according to these guys] no one has ever quit SF Selection or Rang the Bell at BUDS because they couldn’t hack it in the entire history of Special Operations – like ever.

This BS story is usually followed by the “but they were still impressed by my performance and said I could try out again, and even let me hang out with them after, but I decided to get out instead”.

Yep – I guess that a career in the worlds most elite Special Forces Units just couldn’t compete with a year of unemployment, a job at Home Depot, then working for one of the lowest paying contractors in Iraq.

Hey – if you rang the bell at BUDS or didn’t make it through SF selection just say so, or omit that part of your military career from future conversations. Seriously, no one is impressed that you did not make it.

And when you then try to play it off like you didn’t cop-out and ring the bell with eyes full of tears while the instructors were calling you a pussy, well, that just makes you look like more of a douchebag.

And the worst part about these Bell Ringers is they constantly start sentences with: “when I was in BUDS/SF Selection” or “In SF training we…” like they actually made it through. Hey news flash – you did not earn the right to refer to SF and SEAL units like you were actually a member nor is anyone impressed that you failed.

FAIL!

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~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and Calling People Out on Their BS. James G. on FACEBOOK

50 Comments

  1. LOL..funny and true

  2. HAHAHA.. I actually know of a guy like that. He tried to scam me for some money in a gay business investment. Glad you finally did an article about this matter. People like this have been corrupting the minds of our youth for ages. LOL!

  3. I knew a west coast S.E.A.L working the mines in northern Ontario. He told me he washed out due to injuries on his first pass too.

    Difference is he didn’t ring the bell, he was carrier off the beach on a stretcher, and he sucked it up and went back the following year and passed.

  4. I would be more impressed if they had the guts to admit they couldn’t hack it, in a non-bragging fashion.

  5. Probably why they didn’t get in, douchebags dont belong in SF.

    All the former SF peoples i’ve met are all just nice,friendly, quiet people who know when to shut the fuck up and get the work done. Even if they ended doing some insanely heroic shit they still wouldn’t brag about it.

    Bragging about the most insane pussy they’ve ever gotten, however, that’s another story entirely.

    • I ran into people like that. One clown was ( supposedly ) in SF and bragged about going here and doing that, all high speed ops. Another was a SAS trooper who moved to the States to ” find a better life “, all the while spilling his guts about his past adventures. Sure. You’re a member of one of the world’s most elite special ops forces, and you leave just to pack shoes in boxes for the amazing pay rate of $ 11.50/ hour. Incredible.

  6. James:

    This is never about how the story sounds to others. It is about how it sounds in their own head. They are just trying to still get over whatever failure or inadequacy they still feel. They have no idea how it sounds to you. It’s like every grunt O6 that can’t stop talking about how he shoulda, coulda, woulda made general but for “insert lame-ass excuse here”.

    C

  7. PERFECT article .. I mean there’s nothing wrong with failing a selection process. For fiddly fucks sake. Sounds like alot of pussies arent OK with who they are. admit failure and move on .. Me thinks they’ve seen too many sci fi / spec ops/ military movies .. Were they all sporting tactical ball caps when they told the story

  8. Not a contractor (yet?), but as a Low-Speed High-Drag E3 in the Texas State Guard I can also say I’ve seen a couple of these CDs. Not in my unit, but it’s even worse here in a cushy state defense force. At least contracting in the sandbox they’re near the action. On second thought, that might make them worse, as Contractorous Douchebagnus is known for his ability to be at his worse when around other contractors.
    Keep your head down and your eyes moving over there.

  9. I’m a nobody… While serving in A-stan on my last deployment I ran across a Force pro soldier on one of the FOBs we dropped into occasionally that claimed to be a SEAL. He was an E-5 40 years of age in the Iowa National guard. He wore a HALO badge but no Trident. He sought me out to start bragging; I asked him what class he was in? NO ANSWER. Then; who was your swim buddy? NO ANSWER. What team, what platoon and who was your Team Chief? NO ANSWER. He started spitting out all these excuses how he was never with a platoon and was a trainer of some such crap. I then contacted a friend at NAVSPECWAR with some of his personal numbers. Validated he was a fvcking phony lier piece of garbage. Dropped all the info on the IG and the rest is history. Subsequently a Congressional was filed on his O-4 MORON local commander who was sent packing for another reason (two to the body one to the head). The phony puke was disciplined and relieved. His command got slapped as well. They believed he was a SEAL and allowed him to display a HALO badge but smart enough not to wear a Trident. They failed to check his SRB / personnel file and just went along. They are everywhere, “Smoke if you got em” like a cheap cigar!

    • epic.

  10. I tried out on a black-ops training mission once but washed out due to the game controller coming unplugged when my cousin tripped over it.

  11. But I got sick in buds because I ate too many sugar cookies! Oh and I can’t swim! But I was sooo close!

  12. the only people I know who dropped out of UK commando selection don’t like to talk about it. The only people who make fun or criticize them are those who never will have the balls to try it out themselves.

  13. Damn! The pattern is always the same, no matter where you are! These goatf@#ks are everywhere!
    About what Monte wrote, why in the world would the chain of command let a soldier wear a badge while depolyed??!! That’s just asinine!

  14. Kind of like a former Marine co-worker of mine used to say, “Every guy I run into was either Force Recon or a sniper. What happened to all the cooks and truck drivers?”

  15. Go ahead and laugh but I was gonna be a SEAL K9 Black Ops MACV-SOG guy except I couldn’t hold my breath under water and carry my dog on my back for the required ten minutes… but if it hadn’t been for THAT….

  16. BTW – smart choice about NOT wearing the Trident; the SEALs I knew way way back when, did NOT have a sense of humor about that kind of stuff….maybe you could get by with wearing one stateside to impress the chicks but you had to pray you did not run into a real SEAL…. and I imagine today’s guys are just as serious about seeing a phony wearing one.

  17. No lie, I heard this same shit just 3 days ago. Classic article.

  18. HA HA HA!!! I love this website, bro!

  19. Love the article, I have run across one or two phonies. I’m even related to one. I was a Navy Corpsman and I served with a Marine unit for two of my four years, my brother in law told me when he was in he served as a medic with a SEAL team in Iraq during Desert Storm. I asked him where he went through FMSS, San Diego or Jacksonville N.C…..blank stare. “Oh I didn’t go through FMSS, I cross-trained on ship and then I attached to one of the teams. I shook my head and walked away.

  20. Man, I love your aspect on people. The funny thing is no matter where your at those types of people are everywhere. Thanks for you input its fun to read.

  21. In my country we had conscription until very recently so when men gather for a big feast (midsummer, christmas, whatever) everyone has one common denominator: the military. However, at EVERYONE of these gatherings there’ll be some ass-monkey claiming that they’d have made Kustjägarna (SEALs), Fjälljägarna (Arctic Rangers) or Fallskärmsjägarna (Army SF) if only they hadn’t busted their knee/back/hymen.

    Seriously, I was a radio-carrying sumbitch in an unglamorous armoured regiment. My workday was usually 50% sitting in a track and 50% sipping coffee in the same track and I’m really not ashamed of that (I did my bit). Apparently these douchebags don’t feel that the 11 months they later spent with a “normal” regiment doing a “normal” army job was cool enough…most of them probably cried their way out of the obligation citing injury/gayness because they couldn’t live their childhood dream. Fucking wankers.

    There was one guy that admitted to failing selection due to not hacking it, my tiny Lt. By not blaming injury or some other bullshit he grew about 300% in our collective eyes (from 5′ 10” to 15′ 12”), even more as I’ve grown up and met more proper SF-dudes who’ve shared how fucking close to washing out they themselves were. Every now and then some idiot joins my guard unit thinking we’ll be impressed by some BS SF-claim, luckly the company have people from most units who can spot them and shoot them down.

  22. Best thing I ever saw though… this shit ain’t no lie…

    Saw a young guy a few months ago wearing ACU bottoms, ABU tops, old ass desert tan boots with all the US Army SF patches on his ABU tops. Now this guy was in a public place (can’t disclose location) where everyone and their mama could see him.

    So I sat back and watched as he tried to talk to chicks and look good in front of people. I just left my spot, walked away and assumed he was jumped by the 11B squad that was heading his way hahaha.

  23. Years ago, I worked at a surplus store (we also sold paintball gear, and that was my addiction at the time) and I ran into these jackarses all the time… My personal favorite was a kid who said that I should “hook a brother up” with a discount cause he was in SF and going to Afghanistan.

    I told him I couldn’t do it, owner doesn’t do discounts. (For the record, the owner DID offer military discounts, but not to posers.) While this exchange is going on there is an older gentleman, say about 60 or so, standing in line with a giant grin on his face. Kid in front of me is blubbering about how he really needs this pack for his “mission” yadda yadda yadda…

    When he finally realized he couldn’t get free stuff, he pulled out his credit card to pay. I ask for ID, and while he’s fishing around for it, the older gentleman standing behind him pulls out a challenge coin for the kid. It had a Trident on it, and when I looked at this gent’s arms, they had a few tatts, quite aged and obviously authentic….

    When the young kid finally paid and left, he looked like a whipped little puppy. Said older gent was going to pay, quite politely, for his length of paracord. He got it for free…

  24. Reminds me of my former brother in law who was 11B here with the 501st. He claimed that he passed R.I.P. and opted out because his 1st wife didnt want to go to Vicenza Italy .

    So her uncle some full bird pulled strings. And as a E3 he got to help write the SOP for CQB etc prior to the 501st deployment to the stan. In reality he was a sub standard soldier and spent his final year hear as a DNP Spec 4 on loan to MWR working the depart of the army fishing boats in seward .

    He’s now a 400 lb used car salesman in exotic Lufkin Tx .

  25. SSRS

    Ask me what it means on DVG KGKC.

  26. GREAT Article, Jim. Hear it alot over here. About “I didn’t Quit!” or “I WAS in a classified unit but I cannot talk about it!”

    Hey, if you baked cakes for the HALO/SCUBA Ninja Sniper Batt, Be Honest and SAY you were the Best Cake Baker in that Unit.
    Please save yourself the embarrassment (and the loss of MAJOR ‘cool’ points) by trying to lie your way through something that a quiet person at the table MIGHT call you out on.

    For every ‘HALO Ninja Sniper’ there are at least 100 ‘other’ MOS’s out there. Who were the best at what they ‘wanted’ to be.
    Heard all those ‘excuses’ when I was an ‘Trash Flash’ in the Q-Course:

    [“I wanted to go to the Q-Course, but my wife/girlfriend/S.O. said it was Group or her….” and QUIT before going out to Camp MacKall.]

    Lie about it, and somebody might NOT pull you off to the side and call you on it, nicely. THEY might do it over beers…in front of the Project Manager.

    I’m just sayin’……

    RJ
    SFQC 6-78

  27. As I was only a MP in the Army for 3 years, and A Marine MP for 4 . Additional 8 years in the Ohio Army Guard and a Fed ! I saw so much of that every where , Makes me sick !

  28. Great article! I’ve seen a lot of the same thing. The “Marine Sniper” one never gets old either. It’s easy to call these fags out and even more fun to see the blank look on their face as they realize their poser ass has been busted.

  29. I think I’ve met more Navy Seals in the bars of Florida than there ever were in the whole program put together. At least it gives me someone to talk to about how I qualified as a Space Shuttle Door Gunner, but got stuck in traffic and missed the graduation hop, so I don’t get to wear the wings :)

    • Fucking Classic ! I will use that often now … I bet someone will buy it LOL ! Just goes to show !

      Hit it with your Purse !
      [img]http://www.deathvalleymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/st-simons-island-lighthouse-georgia-2.jpg[/img]
      And this was our Barracks LOL!

      • DAMN! Why didn’t * I * think of Space Shuttle Door Gunner!!!!!

  30. Hahahahahahah! Fookin funny!! “I rescued white women from dragons back when I was in a SCUBA K9 unit” Laughed a good mile…..

  31. Same here bro humped a radio, op checked radios, pm’d radios back in day in the corps. Recently heard a dude were I work telling everyone he was in charge of 7 sniper teams in the Air Force. Stood there and listened to him along with a couple Army types. Asked him if he could explain MOA to me. Hahaha. Blank face….lien prick. When are the former or current military types going to realize being in the US Armed Forces is SPECIAL enough..not to mention the. “stolen valor act” I guess the losers never heard of that…

  32. It is sad how many folks do this type of stuff…

    I was pumping gas one night, truck parked behind me had SEAL TEAM decorative plate on it. Guy comments on my ’70 Ford pick up, I comment on his fancy front plate. We get to talking and talking… Find out we served around the same time mid to late ’80s. After some conversation it turns out he never made it to SEAL TEAM, due to some sob story. Asked him why he had plate on truck… he thought it was cool.

    I was so pissed off I was speachless.

    • See, if it wasn’t YOU, he would have tried to pass himself off as DEVGRU/SEAL but knowing that you could have seen through his BS he prob backed off. He’s prob told the same story over & over to people & pu$$y not in the know.

  33. Just want to say I got as far as MEPS. I signed up for the Navy to become a parachute rigger. When my parents found out they went nuts. In the I made a deal with my parents and the Navy which lead me to college.

    Looking back now I think I made a good choice for myself. However I’m still left wonder if I could have passed BUD/S. That was 21 years ago and I still think about it. In storage I saved my folder from the Philadelphia MEPS center with my enlistment papers still in it. No chance in hell I could pass BUD/S now! LOL!

    I have friends that have served and we talk a lot but I will never truly know what they went through and learned. I have the utmost respect for all of you that have or are stilling serving.

    By the way anyone remember this Maxim Magazine issue talked about here: http://www.socnet.com/showthread.php?t=231 Over night hundreds I bet tried to pass themselves off.

  34. The one guy I know who really did this (I saw his ODC)- passed BUD/S, but blew out his knee at Airborne- he was the one of the most bitter, nasty officers I’ve ever met. He had to go Restricted Line (Intel) and it seemed like he was angry at the world for the rest of his career that he didn’t get to be HS/LD – talked about it all the time. He made O5 last I checked, so I guess he didn’t do too badly, but the guy just couldn’t learn to shut up and play with the cards he got dealt.

  35. thanks James for another great article. I like how you keep things real!

  36. The closest that I ever came to this sort of nonsense was contemplating/planning on going to OCS after a couple of years or so in the enlisted ranks but after bootcamp I immediately lost interest any interest in repeating that experience and was never shy about admitting as much either. And in my entire time in the Reserves I was fortunate to have never encountered anybody who was Force Recon/sniper but washed out or pretended to be anything but a regular Marine. Of course I was part of the wing which would make it a bit hard to believe anybody claiming to be anything special.

    I did have a friend in high school who claimed to have been all sorts of high speed low drag things. He started out claiming that he was a part-time charter helo pilot; this was during the 80s around the time of Magnum P.I. & Airwolf so you can see where the influence of his claims came from. Later on he claimed that he was a Marine (I think) reservist tanker, then after Top Gun came out he was all of a sudden a Tomcat RIO which eventually morphed into a Tomcat pilot. Now mind you, this was all back in high school and while it was clearly all BS it was fun to listen to. I’ve since lost touch with him and the last thing I remember him “being” was a cop in a neighboring city to where my high school was; of course after being a teenaged helo pilot, tanker, & Tomcat RIO/driver being a cop was probably the most realistic claim.

  37. My ex brother in law’s status on myspace and facebook says he’s fresh out of the Army 18 xray Airborne Ranger. He went awol over 5 years ago and never even went graduated from AIT. Fuckin wanna be. He couldn’t even hack it in the most basic of training enviroments. Im only moderatly fast speed, medium drag but at least Im real about it.

  38. Be careful out there. It might not be a poser….Could be “Tactical Man” :)

    Tactical Man: (unashamedly stolen from the internet)

    As I was leaving my house I stuffed my Glock 10mm “man gun” mexican style in my pants. My backup is a fully customized 1911 with all the IPSC add on options in my $500.00 leather pancake holster custom made by Belgian Monks who have devoted their lives to silence and holster making. These are the ones used by SEAL Team 6, which I used to be a part of but all records of my activities were destroyed in a fire “accident”.

    I put on my Royal Robbins photographer vest to match my pants while wearing a T-Shirt underneath reading “from my cold dead hands”, that way nobody can see what I’m packing.

    I had my Centinial .38 Special in my ankle holster, just like the gun rag guys carry.

    Lastly I had my “Covert Sniper” I.D. Card in my wallet with my “Concealed Weapons Permit Badge”. I was ready for anything.

    I drove my Bug Out Truck to the 7-11 for some beer, cause you never know. It is a performance styled Subaru BRAT with 4 cylinders of ground pounding fury.

    I pull up to the 7-11 store and notice a nefarious looking girlscout eyeballing me from the back of her mother’s SUV. A likely cover.

    The mother returned to the truck and went for the keys in her purse, but I knew from my years of combat honed instincts that she was actually making a furtive movement for an offensive weapon.

    I attempted a tactical shoulder roll, but fell flat on my face, kind of flopping on the pavement to avoid any incoming rounds and to make it look like I meant to do that. The store owner called 911 which is good because I then did a roll and attempted to draw my Glock.

    Unfortunantly, since I did not have a holster, the gun “went off” and the bullet creased my weiner. But I was prepared for that and bit down on a 9mm casing to take my mind off the pain as I dove for the garbage barrel. Thats when I noticed the girlscout shouting somthing to her mother who began to take cover. I knew they were closing on me so I drew my custom trusty 1911 Wilson COMBAT….I knew that they would be impressed with that. I then duckwalked to the front of her SUV but my gut kinda got in the way and I fell on my ass, which caused me to swallow my 9mm casing.

    I then tried to roll to my right, but didn’t want to scuff my holster so I just threw myself into telephone pole, but I landed on my right side anyway. So I fired one shot towards the womans SUV to pin them down as I recovered my wind.

    And before the mother knew what was happening, I charged her and I threw my groin into her knee. I knew that as I vomited on the ground in front of her that I had interupted her OODA loop, I had the advantage now. As she ran screaming for the girlscout (I knew she was going for backup) I made for my Super Charged BRAT tactical truck. I jumped into the driver seat forgeting that I had left my rare Israeli contract AR 15 Bayonet on the seat honed to a razors edge. I could handle it though, half my ass is an implant from war wounds. As I attempted to start my truck police and paramedics arrived on the scene. My truck would not start and instead backfired once and caused
    the police to tase me. At which point I tactically soiled myself while in convulsions. My custom 1911 then fell out of the window but I still had my Centenial .38. I knew that I had to take out the woman with the purse.

    So I aimed my revolver at her at which point the first police officer fired once striking me in the chest, fortunantly I was wearing my level 3A body armor. I didn’t want to hurt the cops, they had obviously been duped by the evil temptress who was now embracing her partner in crime and crying to the police in the background, I knew it was a ruse.

    I pulled out my concealed weapons permit badge and showed it to the officer who shot me and yelled out “I’m one of you guys”, he continued to cover me and ordered me to drop my .38 so I layed it down, I still had my bayonet after all, attached to my ass. The cop walked toward me and upon reading the badge pepper-sprayed me right in the eyes. Fortunantly my Oakly shooting glasses stopped most of the spray and I was able to rip free of the taser cords easily, it only cost me one nipple, easily replaced. I dove for the passanger side of my truck and began to run zig zag for a ditch, unfortunantly the bayonet sticking out of my ass slowed me down, I knew it would have to be hand to had now. I knew the cop couldn’t take me when I saw here merely carried a Glock 17, not a mans gun. So I immediatly threw my eye into his right hook, followed by a knee into his mag light. As I lay thrashing on the ground I took the heel of my Bates enforcer boot and kicked at the cops ankle, I knew that from my classified experiences in Tajikistan that once breaking the ankle, the cop would fall down and I could “stun kick” him in the head, knocking him out but not hurting him.

    Apparantly the cop had also been to Tajikistan because he side steped me and struck me in the back with his ASP baton, but my trauma plate absorbed it. I then drew my Benchmade auto knife and was promptly tased again, but I was ready for it this time and only wet myself a little bit.

    Next thing those cops knew I was unconcious. That’ll teach ’em.

    • Heh heh heh!!! All true I watched all this happen across from the 7-11 while I drank my Dos X’s…That was some funny shite dude!!

    • BAHAHAHAH nice one … thats a classic

  39. He claimed that he passed R.I.P. and opted out because his 1st wife didnt want to go to Vicenza Italy .

    What woman worth fucking would NOT want to go to Italy?

  40. Good post. If i had a nickel for everytime I heard someon start a sentence with “I was gonna go (insert anything military) but then (insert any excuse)

    Be safe,
    Trig

  41. I was on a new protective detail and there was a guy who I noticed always wore an “Airborne” or “Ranger” Tshirt, or something else military. He had the high and tight haircut and looked in pretty good shape, so I assumed he was former military like a lot of us, but still living in the past. After about 2 weeks there, I worked a night detail with just the 2 of us. I asked him about his military background and he hemmed and hawed, finally saying: “I was in ROTC, but they found I had a heart murmur”. Found out later he was in High School ROTC, which would have been about 30 years before. I always got a laugh out of that.

    Dan-just a paratrooper but will still eat your lunch-O

  42. I reread this and still chuckle at it. This isn’t just about SF it’s every aspect of life. People want so badly to belong to things with cache. Forget about that, I love the huge list of shit I’ve failed at and wear it like a badge of honor. The Vandal’s said it best, “Never try, failure is the best revenge.”

  43. HAHAHAHA…right on! I here that injury kept me from being a Jedi shit at least twice a week. Thanks for putting it in to words for all of us!

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