Soi Cowboy Bangkok, one of the world’s most famous Red Light Districts
And Probably NOT the place to meet your future ex-wife
Walking down Sukhumvit Road in Bangkok while on leave would not be complete without seeing some 5.11 wearing fool walking hand in hand with a rough looking ex-bargirl. Now don’t get me wrong, hopping on a plane to Bangkok to blow off some steam after working for months in some 3rd world shit-hole is pretty much tradition in the Contractor Biz.
But I am referring to the guys who, despite being somewhat reasonable folks, somehow come up with the crazy person thought of “I am going to marry a Thai Hooker – And that shit is going to work out for the long run”.
I swear if I had one dollar for every “I lost all the bread I saved up on my past six contracts on some bargirl I married” stories I have heard from contractors I would be retired now. And the most amazing part is the guy telling the story seems to be actually surprised at the outcome.
Thailand has a habit of making old men young, allowing them to relive (or re-envision) their glory days of the past and no place else on earth can you see such a grouping of fat-gutted RBK (hint, hint) Contractors on leave walking hand in hand with teenyboppers young enough to be their granddaughters.
And it is by no means only the older contractor crowd who suffers from this affliction. The younger contractor crowd, who after hearing hundreds of stories about the Wild, Wild East from the old contractor hands also come to the Big Mango to sow their oats, popping from bar to bar, getting drunk, hooking up, having the time of their lives and falling in love with #38.
But the worst part about the guys who marry bargirls on leave is they tend to choose the ugliest broads that have ever swung on a pole on Soi Cowboy. And for some unknown reason they think this train-wreck of a ‘lady’ is actually the hottest thing since the invention of thermite grenades.
After years of saying “hell yes, she is hot as fuck bro” when looking at the pictures of a fellow contractors last leave in Thailand I don’t even bother with bullshitting them anymore. I just say things like “were you doing volunteer work at the local burn clinic?” with a completely serous look in my face.
I suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but if you’re foolish enough to fall in love with, get involved with, or for fucks sake, marry a bargirl – make sure she’s the sort of girl that makes other men stare in awe of your awesome manliness.
If your ex-bargirl wife oozes sexuality and is drop-dead beautiful, well, at least people will chalk it up to your stupidity or you only thinking with your wiener. If she looks like someone who was hit in the face 68 times with the Ugly Stick, then you really have no excuse for getting angry when you overhear your fellow contractors calling your bargirl wife a “horse-faced looking old whore”.
The inevitable end between contractors on leave and Thai Bargirls will always stem from money, or more specifically, the lack of it. The inability to communicate properly and understand one another can play a factor, but it is pretty much all about the Benjamins.
The sooner folks who are on leave understand their interactions with bargirls is a business transaction, the sooner they’ll resist the urge to lose touch with reality, fall madly in love, and make them their wives.
Money buys a place in line, a stool at the bar – not love. It’s the bargirl’s job to extract as much money as possible while making you feel like a million bucks. Bar girls work for one reason, to make money, and contrary to what the average John Contractor may believe, the vast majority of these gals do not view themselves as the next Pretty Woman.
Keep this in mind and you won’t be “that guy” who is on his 5th contract and flat-fucking broke because his ex-bargirl wife convinced him to buy a house for her, her mom and dad, her brother (the same one who you “lent” 3000 dollars after he got into a motorcycle accident) in Issan then dumped him.
The moral of the story is: Don’t be that contractor Douchebag who is going on his 10th contract at 56 years old so he can ‘start over’ after being fleeced by his 22 year old ex-bargirl wife.
If you don’t get it and just laugh this article off, well – when all of your money from the past 4 contracts you busted your ass on has been inserted into Northern Thailand’s economy, don’t dare blame the girl, ya read it here first buddy.
Note: in this article “girl” is in reference to adult “women”
Founder – Editor in Chief
James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and avoiding go-go bars in Bangkok.