CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: The “I Married a Bargirl” Contractor Douchebag

Soi Cowboy Bangkok, one of the world’s most famous Red Light Districts
And Probably NOT the place to meet your future ex-wife

Walking down Sukhumvit Road in Bangkok while on leave would not be complete without seeing some 5.11 wearing fool walking hand in hand with a rough looking ex-bargirl. Now don’t get me wrong, hopping on a plane to Bangkok to blow off some steam after working for months in some 3rd world shit-hole is pretty much tradition in the Contractor Biz.

But I am referring to the guys who, despite being somewhat reasonable folks, somehow come up with the crazy person thought of “I am going to marry a Thai Hooker – And that shit is going to work out for the long run”.

I swear if I had one dollar for every “I lost all the bread I saved up on my past six contracts on some bargirl I married” stories I have heard from contractors I would be retired now. And the most amazing part is the guy telling the story seems to be actually surprised at the outcome.

Thailand has a habit of making old men young, allowing them to relive (or re-envision) their glory days of the past and no place else on earth can you see such a grouping of fat-gutted RBK (hint, hint) Contractors on leave walking hand in hand with teenyboppers young enough to be their granddaughters.

And it is by no means only the older contractor crowd who suffers from this affliction. The younger contractor crowd, who after hearing hundreds of stories about the Wild, Wild East from the old contractor hands also come to the Big Mango to sow their oats, popping from bar to bar, getting drunk, hooking up, having the time of their lives and falling in love with #38.

But the worst part about the guys who marry bargirls on leave is they tend to choose the ugliest broads that have ever swung on a pole on Soi Cowboy. And for some unknown reason they think this train-wreck of a ‘lady’ is actually the hottest thing since the invention of thermite grenades.

After years of saying “hell yes, she is hot as fuck bro” when looking at the pictures of a fellow contractors last leave in Thailand I don’t even bother with bullshitting them anymore. I just say things like “were you doing volunteer work at the local burn clinic?” with a completely serous look in my face.

I suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but if you’re foolish enough to fall in love with, get involved with, or for fucks sake, marry a bargirl – make sure she’s the sort of girl that makes other men stare in awe of your awesome manliness.

If your ex-bargirl wife oozes sexuality and is drop-dead beautiful, well, at least people will chalk it up to your stupidity or you only thinking with your wiener. If she looks like someone who was hit in the face 68 times with the Ugly Stick, then you really have no excuse for getting angry when you overhear your fellow contractors calling your bargirl wife a “horse-faced looking old whore”.

The inevitable end between contractors on leave and Thai Bargirls will always stem from money, or more specifically, the lack of it. The inability to communicate properly and understand one another can play a factor, but it is pretty much all about the Benjamins.

The sooner folks who are on leave understand their interactions with bargirls is a business transaction, the sooner they’ll resist the urge to lose touch with reality, fall madly in love, and make them their wives.

Money buys a place in line, a stool at the bar – not love. It’s the bargirl’s job to extract as much money as possible while making you feel like a million bucks. Bar girls work for one reason, to make money, and contrary to what the average John Contractor may believe, the vast majority of these gals do not view themselves as the next Pretty Woman.

Keep this in mind and you won’t be “that guy” who is on his 5th contract and flat-fucking broke because his ex-bargirl wife convinced him to buy a house for her, her mom and dad, her brother (the same one who you “lent” 3000 dollars after he got into a motorcycle accident) in Issan then dumped him.

The moral of the story is: Don’t be that contractor Douchebag who is going on his 10th contract at 56 years old so he can ‘start over’ after being fleeced by his 22 year old ex-bargirl wife.

If you don’t get it and just laugh this article off, well – when all of your money from the past 4 contracts you busted your ass on has been inserted into Northern Thailand’s economy, don’t dare blame the girl, ya read it here first buddy.

Note: in this article “girl” is in reference to adult “women”

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~James G
Founder – Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and avoiding go-go bars in Bangkok.

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31 thoughts on “CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: The “I Married a Bargirl” Contractor Douchebag”

  1. Classic stuff! I would say this is a funny article, but I’ve seen this scene played out so many times that it’s just downright sad…

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  2. Saw it many times in Thailand as well as Okinawa. “Shootem’ with your baht gun bro. They’ll love you forever.”

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  3. While I’m not a contractor, I’ve seen similar stories play out in South Korea, Guam and the Phillipines during my time in the service. Of course we weren’t making the dough you guys make, it was still rediculous to see E-1 – E-5′s blow their paychecks on juicy girls. It’s unfortunate such tough men with dangerous jobs can’t have the situational awareness to take these relationships for what they are…a business transaction (like you said.) Good article be safe guys. -Jon

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  4. I’m no contractor either, but I’m a cop in NYC and I see that shit all the time with dudes on my job. They marry and or knock up some ghetto fab chick and lose their cash, pistol and job. In that order. Have fun, bust a nut and move on.

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    1. Gospel….If it flies…floats…or fucks….your better off rentin’ it!

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  5. I’m still pretty young, but it’s been a running joke that one of these days I’m going to find that special Phillipina who I’ll ask to be my first ex-wife.

    The gear reviews are why I started coming here, but the rants are why I stay.

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  6. Oh Damn! I think I just pissed myself, thanks for my best laugh all week! Lets put this in big letters for the slow guys, IT IS BUSINESS, DON’T MARRY THEM!

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  7. retired police in atlanta ga own a security company. here the story is a little different dudes in their late 50′s marry 30 year olds (waitresses,bartenders or hair cutters) and have 3 toddles 3 years later and spend their pensions checks in child support for the rest of their lives while working themselves to death to pay their rent.

    one would think at this age group would get smarted……………..

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  8. Stick & move gents, stick and move…

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  9. sounds like the 1980s USAF with troops going to the Philippines.

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  10. Never been to Thailand or anywhere in the Far East, but it sounds just like the Wall in Nurnberg ( or Nuremberg for you WW2/1950s era OSMs ) . The girls on parade are there to earn a living, which is to get as much money as they can as quickly as they can. That means that if they have to pull the German version of
    ” You numbah one, GI, me love you long time ” , you better believe it’s not you they love. Unless, of course, your first name is Benjamin and your last is Franklin. If you’re going to marry one, either you know for a fact that she’s got great genes, or you’re obviously thinking with the wrong head. And you deserve every dirty look you get.

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  11. Proof positive that while on the surface your average Contractor might come across as an alpha, many of them are low betas or even omegas who simply know how to kick ass and unthinkingly play their role on a team.

    No matter how tough, competent or tactical a guy thinks he is, the harsh truth is that if he’s single and doesn’t understand game he’ll be kneecapped financially, professionally and permanently by a woman who will play him like a gypsy violin. And the older a man gets the more vulnerable he becomes.

    The only surprise here is your assertion that these women aren’t even 5′s. They sound like strong 2′s. This whole thing makes no sense to me.

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    1. Sounds to me like some of these guys are confusing love and lust. If she looks like she got hit in the face multiple times with an E-tool, put it down and back away. It’s strictly business with them. Also save yourself some grief and stop at the dispensary/clinic/sickbay for a few Trojans before you act with the wrong head. That’s not the kind of present you need to take home.

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    2. .
      Rodrick – Are you a contractor?

      ~James G

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  12. I thoroughly enjoyed this article and will not stop recommending my fellow contractors to read on.

    Just curious, what is RBK?

    Jay

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    1. .

      Just curious, what is RBK?

      It is reference to a very large contractor in Iraq who back in the day used to hire any shit-bag who had a pulse. I am not saying everyone they hired was a fuck-tard, just about 98% were

      Anyone who has worked in the contracting business in Iraq knows exactly who I referring to

      ~James G

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      1. How true. I did a stint as a medic for that contractor. You wouldn’t believe the problems those shitbags would bring back to the AOR and then cry to HR when we tell them that it can’t be cured.

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  13. Haha, yes seen it many times down soi cowboy, by the way I live there now (bangkok) between going in and out of Afghan etc. Got to love those girls, but hey at some point anyone who visits any of these places will get caught up with 1. Nearly happened to me until a good thai friend of mine pointed me in the right direction, the door. Thailand is an awesome place to unwind and lets say “relax”, just dont get caught up with the bar girls except for the obvious ST or LT and then show them the door.

    Great articule by the way and so true

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    1. .

      “Great articule by the way and so true”

      Thanks bro – If I included all the actual stories I have heard of this happening to my fellow contractors this article would have been a mile long

      ~James G

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  14. I wish I had a dime for every time some bar whore showed me the pictures of her “Husband” on her phone, the morning after I hit that shit.
    Never get erious with a bar girl or even one you are not around 24/7

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    1. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the iaegms aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome.

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  15. Around the parts where I work, the ones that do – end up with Nigerian or ugandan or whatever the flavour of the month is. I’ve had to deal with the influx of nightfighters wanting to get into our compound, and come up with a more restricted protocol – as these nightfighter/gf/bushwife situation also increases the thievery rate and extortion and blackmail rate within our compound walls.

    these nightfighters are just soooooo fugly. wigs, tribal scars, VD, nasty nasty pieces of work. The problem is that once an unfortunate fellow has taken one, its forever. iPhone goes missing, laptop goes missing. “I need money for my brother”, “Can you hook my uncle up with a job”, “give me 200000 naira, or I send these pictures to your wife”, blah blah blah.

    On numerous occasions, I’ve had to call in favours from fixers to deal with this. Stupid stupid contractors. and its the same ones over and over. Then you see them at the bar, drunk as shit, telling everybody about their woes…

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    1. “these nightfighters are just soooooo fugly. wigs, tribal scars, VD, nasty nasty pieces of work. ”

      Arghhh Chicken headz and Ghetto birdz! Oh think about the “showerhead cannon” in between your thigh.

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  16. Bithcin article James. I could never understand how some guys could fall for a Thai bar girl or any 3rd world bar girl for that matter.

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  17. Howdy James!

    Another great article!

    Have not been on here in over a year and am quite enjoying catching up with my own past by reading these stories…LOL

    I LOVE THAILAND. Sure, the girls are nice, but I find the vibrant air about the place to be intoxicating. Everything about that country sings to me.

    My second trip to Thailand in January of 06 was down in Phukett! I was amazed by the number of single beautiful women that vacationed there! Screw BG’s! Hell, I picked up half a dozen different nationalities on that trip alone! Got to scuba for the first (and probably last) time in my life (Asthma prevents me from doing it more) Rode elephants, saw so many wonderful things that you just will never see anywhere else.
    Every day was a new adventure.
    Going back to Baghdad was heartbreaking; paradise lost to shithole sandbucket.

    I am still fighting for surgeries through the Defense Base Act….working on my fifth year of 100% disability with no re-course…

    Stay safe.

    beentheredunthat

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  18. There isn’t a commercial flight worse than destination BKK. You have to fly business just to avoid getting crammed between a couple of type 2 longballers looking to get their pebbles off on their favorite boy toy. I’ll stick to Singapore.

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  19. RBK sounds like some one I know. Perhaps you too.

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  20. I was playing catchup with your articles James, and I love this one.

    Bargirls do this the most efficient way possible while the majority of the women in the states do this as well but do it in a drawn out process. The “regular women” who call the bargirls “sluts”, “tramps,” and “whores” are just mad they can’t do it more efficiently than a bargirl.

    I see so many guys doing the same thing with the bargirls but stateside. They meet some woman who gives them a BJ, they think theyre in love, they have unprotected sex, get married, get divorced, and go to court. She usually gets an obscene amount of money for vaginiamony and child support (more than nothing is obscene in my book). Then she does it again, but says to the new guy the previous guy was an asshole and “this is different”. Then the vicious cycle continues…

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  21. No shit there I was…

    Hanging out at the Welcome Plaza Hotel in Pattaya Beach with 15 minutes to make the 20 minute ride. Doc Batt comes up to me wanting to share his great news. He was getting married tomorrow.

    My response? Nope, you’re not. He thought I was patronizing him and didn’t believe that he and that bar girl from the Pump Station were really in love. He was right I didn’t, but besides that, I had to tell him he wasn’t ’cause transpo was lined up for the next day. It was our last night in Thailand.

    His response… What? Oh no! What am I going to do? Her mom is already on the bus from Malaysia. Needles to say I had to deal with my buddy moping around in a melancholic state for the next couple of weeks.

    Pretty sure if memory serves me well she gave him a little somethin’ somethin’ to remember her by in the way of that painful burning sensation as one takes a piss.

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  22. LMAO! I used to see this back in the hey day of Olongapo City. It never ceased to amaze me then and I see it’s still a reoccurring phenomenon.

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