
Dad, I am so freaking bored, when will this movie end?
I was watching “the Road” for the first time last night and besides not really being that great (I nodded of once) it seemed to have the exact same crew of “bad guys” used in every other post-apocalyptic flick.
You know – the usual suspect lineup of post-apocalyptic villains; hillbillies, mentally disabled people and escapees from the local institution for the criminally insane.
The only ones missing were bikers wearing football shoulder pads and the blond chick with bad teeth that smiles and shakes her head up-and-down every time the head bad guy talks smack (never mind, I think she was in it).
(Spoilers below – Do Not Read if You Have Not Already Watched “The Road”)
The Road is about a guy and his kid that are (get ready for the big surprise), on the road walking in post-apocalyptic USA. In order to make this boring ass movie clever the two main characters are just known as “Man” (Viggo Mortensen) and “Boy” (no-one of consequence), they also make the back story unnecessarily vague.
While walking around they also try to avoid gangs of hillbilly cannibals wile they walk around, “Man” has dreams about his spoiled-ass late wife wile he walks around and despite having a pretty tough guy father and growing up in the post-apocalyptic world “Boy” is a bit of a pussy wile he walks around.
Wile they walk around… they… start… to… Zzzzzzzzzzz…….
That’s about when I fell asleep
Anyway, just so this article isn’t as boring as “The Road” I have compiled a list of the 5 types of people who are most likely to survive the apocalypse according to our buddies in Hollywood (and a bonus list of those who wont even make it past day 1).
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