Attention Tactical Gear Manufacturers: Not only do I not believe that Special Forces guys carry your 3-foot long Tactical Tomahawk or 8000D MOLLE checkbook cover into combat – I just don’t give a shit.
Every time I read a new tactical gear product description I am hoping in my mind that: “this will be the one, the 200-pound catfish of Tactical Gear Ads, the one that will not have a single mention of Special Forces or (insert High Speed ninja-like tactical group) using it to fight for freedom in faraway lands”
But, alas no sooner I am thinking “this is a pretty cool piece of kit” BAM! There it is in all capital letters – “used by Navy SEALS in Afghanistan to fight Al Qaeda” at the bottom.
I am not sure what Tactical Gear Manufacturers are thinking when they take out adds like this in magazines and online. Do they seriously think someone will look at their MultiCam nalgene bottle case and think “man, if this was only used by Force Recon Marines I would totally buy it”?
Plus – I am not an SF guy jumping out of an airplane into East Germany. That’s great if your kit works for high-speed SF dudes who have the budget to replace their gear every mission or use it for extended combat, while living in caves for months at a time with the Northern Alliance.
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It is not a proper Bitch Slap unless you talk a little smack wile dispensing the back of the hand
1. To open handedley slap someone. Denote disrespect for the person being bitch slapped as they are not worthy of a man sized punch.
~the urban dictionary
Out of all the moves in the H2H arsenal the Bitch Slap seems to be a somewhat lost fighting technique. I remember the first time I saw the Bitch Slap in action back when I was a kid. One of my buddies Jay was caught shoplifting in the neighborhood pharmacy that was run by an Old School Vietnam vet.
The Old Man snatched his ass up off the ground, reached in his pocket, pulled out some candy and Bitch Slapped Jay with a ‘POP” like I had never heard before. He cried like a red faced baby our whole walk home. Since then I have had the occasional opportunity to throw out a Bitch Slap, and I still say a little “thank you” to the Old Man every time I hear that sweet sounding “POP”.
Now you can’t just use the Bitch Slap on anyone anytime, it is only reserved for those people you wish to humiliate and beat at the same time. Another unique thing about the Bitch Slap is you can only use it if there is an audience present; otherwise the “POP” is wasted on an empty room.
Take this example: When I was living in the Middle East I was having a drink in a hotel bar with some contractor buddies and some local stewardesses. We were having a good time joking around and getting a bit smashed.
But as usual, when the local guys see foreigners surrounded by girls their insecurity alarm goes off like a NY firehouse 4 alarm fire. So in predicable fashion a few local guys (dressed like guidos in tight ass jeans and shirts) came over and started saying things to the girls like “hey, why are you with these Americans, come over to our table.”
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Tactical Ball Cap Math
Over the past few years I have been seeing people wearing these so-called “Tactical Ball Caps” or “Operator Ball Caps” with Velcro patches all over them – news flash folks, you look Silly.
Look, I am hardly Louis Vuitton or some sort of fashion guru but even I know that a Coyote Brown Ball cap with a big ass Velcro patch on the front and rear along with another Velcro patch on the top screams “Look at ME!!!! I am Sooooooooooo Tactical”.
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