Picture taken at 9:45 AM on a Wednesday
There was once a time when a man would go on a bender for a few days, week, even a month and dive into a booze fueled haze in a hotel suite filled with women of questionable morals. The reason behind why he went on a bender could have been good or bad news, over a broad, news of a old war buddy checking out or just because he damn well felt like it.
After days or weeks of consuming excessive amounts of scotch, expensive food, non-filtered cigarettes and trashing hotel rooms this Old School Man would wash the smell of stewardesses off in a hot shower, have a straight razor shave, throw on something double breasted and made of camel hair, pop the top of his convertible and drive home or to the office and walk in like nothing happened.
For the kings of the Old School Men like Dean Martin, Steve McQueen, Brando, Elvis and Lee Marvin this was just what they did between making Hollywood movies, dating models, racing cars, hanging out with presidents and buying Cadillac’s.
And as satisfying the experience of going on a solo Bender is, it was hardly a one man tradition for them, whole groups of silk suit wearing Old School Pimps like the Rat Pack would buy multi-million dollar mansions on the outskirts of Las Vegas so they could go on month long benders with showgirls and starlets.
Walt telling it how it is – man to man
Last week I was talking with an old buddy of mine, I’ve known him from way back in the day when we were in high school. And in our 20’s we both lived in the D.C. area at the same time, back then he was a squared-away dude – cash in his pocket, bunch of gals calling him and a nice future in finance ahead of him.
Well over the past 7 years he has managed to make just about every stupid ass mistake one could make: Bad financial decisions, poor choices in women, fucking-up his career to the point of no return and borrowing money from everyone and their mother. Basically if there was something in his life that was good he fucked it up in spades.
Now I understand that some people just fall on hard times at no fault of their own – but my buddy’s misfortune is 100% self inflected. Every bad thing that has happened to him is a result of him not using common sense or listening to his friends. All of this could have been avoided if he just took his pride and put it in his pocket along with simply not doing stupid shit.
And like I said, this guy is a great dude, a total stand-up brother who used to be a really sharp arrow with a great future lined up for him. At one time I considered him to be one of the few people that I could rely on always as a loyal OSM friend. One of those buddies you could call up at 3AM and ask for help no questions asked.
Anyway – When he called me up a week ago asking for another loan I decided for his own good that I should have a “Man to Man Talk” with him.
This is probably one of the greatest Old School Man flicks ever made, hell – it’s hard to go wrong when you combine Clint Eatswood and a 45. auto. I am actually surprised that Hollywood green-lit a movie with a main character who acts like a man, especially considering that movies with metrosexual male leads are the norm now.
To say it is refreshing to see a man on the big screen that curses, smokes, drinks beer and has solid Old School values would be an understatement on my part. And besides being a great Old School Man flick Gran Torino is also a good example of how the old school man genome doesn’t always pass down the family tree.
Now allot of the naysayers dismiss this flick as just a story about a bigoted ornery old man. Well as the main character Walt Kowalski (Clint) would say; “Fuck You” because the meaning of movie is much deeper than that. Sure Walt starts off a racist old man, but he sees the fault in his thinking and (despite being old and stuck in his ways) he changes his flawed way of looking at people and eventually comes to love the Asian family next door more than his own spoiled family.
To see a movie where the main character is a man of values who despite being a flawed man is still a good person with solid Old School Man values is a breath of fresh air amongst the “sex and the city” crap Hollywood normally vomits out nowadays. And the huge success of Gran Torino at the box office and the academy awards American Film Institute (AFI), National Board of Review, Broadcast Film Critics Association and Chicago Film Critics Association Awards is proof positive to Hollywood that the American male is damn tired of seeing men portrayed as bumbling pussys on the big screen.
So in tribute to this great Old School Man movie I have thrown together a list of the 31 things that today’s man can learn from Walt Kowalski
DVM has officially declared March 24th Steve McQueen Day – a national man Holiday. So break open a bottle of scotch and toss one back in remembrance to the king of all Old School Men.
For those of you that don’t know, Steve McQueen was born this very day back in 1930. He jumped out of the womb fully grown then knocked the doctor out for slapping him on the ass. After that he had sex with all the nurses, fired up a Lucky Strike non-filter and field-stripped a 1911.
Happy B-Day Steve – thank god you aren’t around to see the sorry state of manliness these days.
We look out for our own in these parts
I remember when I was a kid my pops would ask one of his Old School Man friends to check in on us to make sure we were ok whenever he had to go out of town for a few days.
On the surface it seems like a simple request that isn’t really a big deal.
But think about it, my Old School Dad trusted another man with the welfare and safety of his family in his absence. And he had an Old School Man friend that would not only take on that responsibility, he would protect and look out for another mans family like his own.
The “Check in on my Family” tradition amongst Old School Men dates back to the westward expansion of the United States. When an Old School Cowboy or Rancher had to run 300 head of cattle to sale he left the women and youngest boys back on the ranch.
Between the wondering highwaymen and footpads, Indians, the unscrupulous banker who held the ranch note and regular old outlaws – leaving ones family alone was extraordinarily dangerous.
But the Old School Cowboy didn’t have a choice, he had to hit the trail for a few months every year so he could make enough money to feed his family and keep up on the ranch payments.
Let’s Take it outside ~De Niro
At one time when a Man had a problem with another Man they would take it outside and settle it like gentlemen. Whoever was left standing was the winner and neither Man held a grudge, as far as they were concerned their disagreement was now over.
After the fight both Men would shake each others hand and have a beer, for many Old School Men this is how they first met some of their lifelong friends. Back then their wasn’t a more honest way to truly know what another man was made of than slugging it out in an Old School fight.
But now if an Old School Man even suggested to some kuala and coke sipping metrosexual ‘man’ that they take their disagreement outside he is branded “uncivilized” or “low-class”. Or even more likely metro-man will call the police on his pink Motorola razor.
This is just another example of how doing anything masculine these days is considered bad or even criminal.
“Helmets are for pussys” ~Brando
Besides owing a Forest Green Mustang and a Gas guzzling SUV all Old School Men own a Motorcycle. In fact, it is hard to think about the classic Old School Man without thinking about motorcycles.
James Dean, Peter Fonda, Marlon Brando and Steve McQueen… hell, even Indiana Jones knew how to ride and he isn’t even a real person. And they didn’t ride a motorcycle because it was trendy or they wanted attention. The Old School Man rode a bike because he loved the feeling of freedom that riding a bike gave him.
But like all aspects of being an Old School Man you have to be careful with the way you present yourself. If not you could easily end up looking like a douchebag, or even worse, like a male stripper – and not the type who strips for women.
“I Do Not Use Product on my Hair or Drive a Toyota Prius – I Use hair Tonic (98% pure alcohol) and I Drive a Tank… and I just killed 8 people so screw off.” ~Mr. Lee Marvin (February 19, 1924 – August 29, 1987) Old School Man x100000000
Continuing from “Habits of the Old School Man – Part 1″ we are going to go over 11 more Old School Man Habits. So yank up your lo-rise jeans and throw out your glass of vanilla vodka and 7-UP because you are about to get a kick in the nuts that will man you up.
On the last article we learned many of the habits and beliefs of the Old School man; Loyalty, Drinking Booze, Smoking, Hunting, Cursing and Fighting. So now that we know crying or smoking filtered cigarettes are big no-no’s for the old school man and fighting isn’t barbaric like the “sensitive man” believes (because sometimes you just have to knock some fool out) – lets move on.
So for all the guys out there who are tired of living in the nanny state, this list is for you. Below I have compiled a list of 11 more Habits of the Old School Man. So pour a glass of Scotch and fire up a stogie and get your Old School read on.
The Last of the Old School Men
When I was a kid the type of guys I admired were always the Old School tough guys like Clint Eastwood, Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, Sean Connery and pretty much all of the fedora wearing dudes from the 1930s to the 1960s.
You know the type I am talking about, hard drinking, Lucky Strike non-filter smoking men that called ladies dames and would punch a guy in the face for looking at his wife.
These old school men would never wear low-rise jeans, drink decaf coffee, drive a compact car or talk about their “feelings”. They had names like “Nick”, “Joe” and “Mike” not Baxter, Williamson, Francis or any of the other last-name for a first-name pansy names people are naming their brats these days.
They never asked a gal for her number, she just gave it to him because he was a real man – and real men don’t beg for the digits. His car was a fast gas guzzling behemoth, he had a scar from WWII and never died in a bed. His hobbies always included power tools, greasy hands and the possibility of dismemberment.
When the sink was stopped up or the fence blew down he fixed it with his bare hands, the very thought of calling someone to “help” him was sacrilegious. After recently re-watching Dirty Harry, Bullitt, The Untouchables and a few 80’s action flicks I have put together 2 lists of my favorite Old School Man traits and habits.
Below is the first list of the Habits of the Old School Man, part 2 coming soon. These aren’t just simple lists, they are the rules for living the Old School Man lifestyle that has been deleted from everyday society and replaced by romantic comedies and political correctness.
We don’t need no stinking Tazer or ASP baton
Back in the day when men drank straight whiskey and smoked 2 packs of non-filter Lucky Strikes a day and way before being metrosexual was cool – handing out an ass-whipping was as normal for a guy as slapping a cocktail waitress on the tail (it was a complement then).
Our old school uncles had colorful choices of weapons to select from when a man wanted to throw the hurt on someone and he didn’t want to go straight to the gun.
Tough guys from all walks of life loved these weapons – Chicago gangsters, mustached 70’s cops, bookies, bail bondsmen and even the neighborhood barman kept one of these within arms reach.
I have thrown together a list of my 3 favorite Old School Weapons in no particular order, along with the advantages and disadvantages of each weapon. Also included are some training and usage tips if you want to bring a little Old School into your 2K’s tactical skills toolbox.