Living the James Bond Lifestyle Sense 2010
From the category archives:
I finally found a place and the time to record another epsode of DVMcast, for this DVMcast I will be answering a bunch of questions from listeners along with yapping about a few other things.
Podcast: Download
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I got an email from a buddy of mine that I have known since way-way back in the day, about a fight he got in my old stomping grounds back in D.C. I met this dude at a martial arts class (that our parents were making us take) when I was like 13 and somehow over the years we have managed to keep in touch, one of my Old School boys.
Anyway, he was telling me about this fight he jumped into when one of his buddies was getting his ass stomped like a mo-fo by a steroided up douchebag outside of an Applebee’s. The reason behind the fight was a long-ass boring story that’s not even remotely interesting at all, let’s just say his buddy had been having problems with this guy for years – over a girl of course.
The fight started off pretty mundane, just two idiots trading fists in a parking lot over some broad. And besides his friend getting his ass handed to him, it was just a normal fight until the big dude kept pounding his buddy way after the fight should have been over.
So he started yelling at the big guy “ok dude, he has had enough, just walk away man, you won” – gorilla boy wasn’t even paying attention to him so he kept beating his buddy’s near unconscious body into the pavement.
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So, are you too lazy to read? Have a bit of minor brain damage? Going blind from spanking the monkey on deployment too much? No problem ladies – you can now listen to our articles instead of having to break out the dictionary every 20 words.
This is something a few of us here at DVM have been thinking about for a wile, just a little added feature we think you all will like.
Also ever since we were banned by the rocket scientists who run the Army’s internet I have been trying to figure out a way to get DVM out to the guys who don’t have access to commercial internet. So if you have a buddy who can’t access DVM just email them the mp3 of each article. We are thinking about having a limited distribution print copy of DVM, but for now you’ll just have to listen to me yap until we work that one out.
Not every article will have an audio version – pretty much only my articles for now, it is a logistical nightmare getting this done. I basically have to record my articles, put them on a thumb drive, pass the thumb drive to another dude who uploads them to DVM – All this because of my internet situation here in Iraq (I don’t want to even get into that BS).
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NOTE: I have no idea why they call these “Goggles” when they are really just Sunglasses
I started wearing the Wiley-X SG-1 V-Cut Tactical Goggles in Iraq about 5 years ago after destroying about 15 pairs of sunglasses. I managed to toast my old sunglasses in every imaginable way possible – sitting on and crushing, dropping and breaking, placing in my front pocket and sitting down, stepping on, getting drunk and dropping them through a hole in the floor in one of Saddam’s old palaces are only a few examples of the ways I have mangled sunglasses.
So after having a pair of Ray-Bans fly off while I was standing in the back of a Bongo truck I went to the IZ PX and picked up a pair of Wiley-X SG-1 V-Cut Tactical Goggles. The only reason I picked that particular brand and model of “sports/tactical” sunglasses was because I didn’t want to go the Oakley route because I am not really keen on the NASCAR fan look like my brother Bubba G. seems to like.
Luckily for me they turned out to be the toughest pair of sunglasses I have ever owned outside of dedicated safety glasses. Not that Wiley-X’s don’t have their bad points (they have a few), but they are great for the desert environment and they are kick-ass tough.
Click Here to Keep Reading OR to Listen To – Wiley-X SG-1 V-Cut Tactical Goggles – Field Tested >>>
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TCN = Third Country National, anyone who is not an American or a National of whatever country the base is in. The largest numbers of TCN’s working on U.S. Military bases in the Middle East (some for as little as one hundred bucks a month) are Indians, Filipinos, Sri Lankans, Nepalese and Pakistani citizens who generally do labor and administrative jobs (Blue Collar Guys and Gals).
So, today I was at the KBR laundry pick-up grabbing my laundry when this “Fat Ass” Contractorous Douchebagnus walked in to pick up his laundry bag filled with XXXXX-Large 5.11’s. At the top of his lungs he yelled “I AM HERE FOR MY LAUNDRY!” (Like the guys working at the Laundry Pick-Up might have thought he was there for a pizza or something) and tossed his receipt on the counter.
That sort of annoyed me but the stupidness with this guy was just starting, when the Indian guy behind went to look for his bag in the mass of bags shoved in the wall he started yelling “NO, NO, TO THE LEFT, NO, ON THE BOTTOM, NO, MORE TO THE LEFT!”
After confusing and flustering the fuck out of the poor Indian dude Mr. fat-boy walked behind the counter yelling “I’LL JUST FUCKING GET IT MYSELF”, the Indian dude was like “sorry sir but you can’t come behind the counter” (the Indian guy was still being polite and calling him sir).
At this point I was starting to get pissed pissed:
- 1. Because I just wanted my fucking laundry
- 2. This Buffet-Rapist was making all Americans look like rude ass-holes
And right when I decided not to say anything and to just let this guy make a fool out of himself he grabs his bag and then goes and pushes the Indian guy out of his way.
I then snapped, I yelled “Get you fucking hands off that guy, what the fuck is wrong with you pal?” – He jumped back and started to say something to me when I said “don’t even act like you are in the right here, you don’t ever put your hands on someone – people get stabbed in a laundry room for pulling shit like that”
So as usual with most Tough Guys when they are challenged he backed off and started making excuses and whining like a little bitch about how he was just trying to help or something. Anyway – I won’t go into the details of what was said but it ended with me taking his laundry bag and tossing it out the door into the sand.
Click Here to Keep Reading OR to Listen to – Don’t Be a Douchebag to TCN’s >>>
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Hey guys, this is our first podcast (well it will be a podcast later). I haven’t made an account on iTunes yet so you will have to listen to it here of download it (Right click “Download” and select ‘Save Target As’ or ‘Save Link As’).
In our first episode of the Death Valley Podcast I talk about some of our most popular articles. This is an experiment to see if people are interested in hearing a podcast version or Death Valley mag or if they run away screaming after listening to my drunken ramblings for an hour.
Also I am sorry if the audio sucks, I used the built in microphone on my laptop, if people like our podcast I will buy a decent mike – if not I will spend the money on booze. So you will need to turn up your volume to the max, sorry guys.
So let us know if you like our podcast in the comments below
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