Attention Tactical Gear Manufacturers: Not only do I not believe that Special Forces guys carry your 3-foot long Tactical Tomahawk or 8000D MOLLE checkbook cover into combat – I just don’t give a shit.
Every time I read a new tactical gear product description I am hoping in my mind that: “this will be the one, the 200-pound catfish of Tactical Gear Ads, the one that will not have a single mention of Special Forces or (insert High Speed ninja-like tactical group) using it to fight for freedom in faraway lands”
But, alas no sooner I am thinking “this is a pretty cool piece of kit” BAM! There it is in all capital letters – “used by Navy SEALS in Afghanistan to fight Al Qaeda” at the bottom.
I am not sure what Tactical Gear Manufacturers are thinking when they take out adds like this in magazines and online. Do they seriously think someone will look at their MultiCam nalgene bottle case and think “man, if this was only used by Force Recon Marines I would totally buy it”?
Plus – I am not an SF guy jumping out of an airplane into East Germany. That’s great if your kit works for high-speed SF dudes who have the budget to replace their gear every mission or use it for extended combat, while living in caves for months at a time with the Northern Alliance.
The Mall of America tactical unit running breaching drills at the MOA national training center in Minnesota
I know what you are thinking “a mall security guard, are you f-ing serious?” – Yes I am, but I am not referring to the type of Mall Security that you are probably thinking about where you walk around telling kids not to skateboard at the mall entrance. What we are referring to is the higher end work within the retail law enforcement industry.
Most people don’t know this but many large shopping malls have tactical teams, in-house Executive Protection Agents, investigators, K-9 units and other high speed low drag gigs like that.
Both Myself and Bubba M. have been involved in training Mall Security Enforcement Agents for several large shopping centers in the US and in the Middle East.
This Weekend Tactical Job is also a great place to get some experience, training and to get yourself in “the loop” for other high end security gigs. Another great thing about working as a Mall Security Enforcement Agent is you don’t have to have some sort of high speed background in Delta Force just to get hired.
This is also a great gig if you wish to eventually transition into the full-time high risk security job market. I personally know several guys that have gone from working on a Tactical Unit for Mall of America to high paying gigs in Iraq and Afghanistan.
It is not a proper Bitch Slap unless you talk a little smack wile dispensing the back of the hand
1. To open handedley slap someone. Denote disrespect for the person being bitch slapped as they are not worthy of a man sized punch.
~the urban dictionary
Out of all the moves in the H2H arsenal the Bitch Slap seems to be a somewhat lost fighting technique. I remember the first time I saw the Bitch Slap in action back when I was a kid. One of my buddies Jay was caught shoplifting in the neighborhood pharmacy that was run by an Old School Vietnam vet.
The Old Man snatched his ass up off the ground, reached in his pocket, pulled out some candy and Bitch Slapped Jay with a ‘POP” like I had never heard before. He cried like a red faced baby our whole walk home. Since then I have had the occasional opportunity to throw out a Bitch Slap, and I still say a little “thank you” to the Old Man every time I hear that sweet sounding “POP”.
Now you can’t just use the Bitch Slap on anyone anytime, it is only reserved for those people you wish to humiliate and beat at the same time. Another unique thing about the Bitch Slap is you can only use it if there is an audience present; otherwise the “POP” is wasted on an empty room.
Take this example: When I was living in the Middle East I was having a drink in a hotel bar with some contractor buddies and some local stewardesses. We were having a good time joking around and getting a bit smashed.
But as usual, when the local guys see foreigners surrounded by girls their insecurity alarm goes off like a NY firehouse 4 alarm fire. So in predicable fashion a few local guys (dressed like guidos in tight ass jeans and shirts) came over and started saying things to the girls like “hey, why are you with these Americans, come over to our table.”
Ok, this doesn’t have anything to do with gear or tactical stuff but it is so damn funny I had to post it.
Apparently this kids Mom canceled his World of Warcraft Account… and it sent him way over the edge.
His brother being the good brother he is, put a video camera in his room to record the reaction.
For those of you that don’t know, World of Warcraft (WOW) is an online video game similar to the old 80s book based Dungeons and Dragons that is notoriously addictive.
Some people has supposedly died because they stayed awake so long playing WOW, along with countless ruined marriages.
Yes, I own a TEC-9. Yes I know it is a piece of crap, Yes I know it jams every 4th round, Yes I know it is a gangster throwaway piece of tin.
So why do I own one?
It looks cool.
I now fully admit to all of you that I was guilty of the “I bought this gun because I saw it in an action movie” syndrome during a brief moment of weakness.
I actually went to the Gun Store that day to buy a Remington 700 (it was during my “I want to learn how to be a sniper” faze). I brought the Rem 700 to the counter to talk the clerk down a few bucks and what did I see hanging on the wall behind the counter?
The gun used in every B-Action Movie I watched on Cinemax after the late night soft porn flick time spot.
The 9mm TEC-9 “Machine” Pistol – Score!
It was so sexy, finished in the “Forbidden Assault Rifle Black” with a magazine well in front of the trigger, it even included a 30 round mag that I could grip on wile busting rounds out rapid fire – It had “Steven Seagal would use me to kill terrorists wile speaking in a monotone voice” written all over it – I had to have it.
Over the past few years I have been seeing people wearing these so-called “Tactical Ball Caps” or “Operator Ball Caps” with Velcro patches all over them – news flash folks, you look Silly.
Look, I am hardly Louis Vuitton or some sort of fashion guru but even I know that a Coyote Brown Ball cap with a big ass Velcro patch on the front and rear along with another Velcro patch on the top screams “Look at ME!!!! I am Sooooooooooo Tactical”.
Yes they are using a stuffed toy cat with a gun inside connected to a CornerShot
For those of you that don’t know the Corner Shot is an Israeli designed and built platform that holds a gun and camera on the front end that can be swiveled/fired around corners and viewed from the rear section of the gun.
Angelina Jolie used one similar to it wile looking extraordinarily smoking hot in the movie Wanted (the ruined Hollywood version of a great comic). It is a clever idea but this is just straight-up funny. I honestly thought this was a parody the first time I watched it
I wonder how many cats in Israel will get shot because of this? lol
This is a hilarious video that someone made using a Hitler scene (I am not sure from what movie) and creative subtitles about the controversy over the price of Bushmasters new ACR
